but cause weishieng went for a mission conference for 3 wks, heh, i have yet to complete the last bible study for Gcube:) it's kinda fun and i'm not complaining. in a sense, i think i've learnt alot from the course and i rlly enjoy the whole process. though it rlly gets uncomfortable and throws you out of your comfort zone.... i guess, it was rlly a step out. It is always comfortable and convenient to just sit around and think abt these things and imagine what you're gonna do but the real question at the last session was really, what are we going to do from now then? what now?

we can no longer go back to our lives and live as though nothing has changed. 1 thing i've learnt was that if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. uncomfortable right? you cant just do nothing and watch the world go by when you know you're contributing to social injustice, poverty, widening the rich-poor gap, greenhse effect, etc. what these are problems larger than life, it seems almost impossible for us to do anything. i dunno.

recently i just had my 21st birthday. yes yes, i had my party in the end.:) happy. but before that, i rlly struggled whether to have a party anot. i was excited to have my family and friends with me and the main thing that's holding me back was that there wasnt a suitable date to hold the party on. but as i sit down and think through, i began to think is it worthwhile to spend this money on my self gratification or should i just donate my whole party budget to some charitable organisation or use it for some ministry. regrettably, i chose not to think abt it any further when i didnt know what to do. the battle between my own enjoyment and forgoing my own desires was an ugly one. the battle ended in 2 weeks when apathy took over me, when busy-ness overwhelmed me. i was and still is a problem.

did i enjoy the party? DEFINITELY. did i feel guilty? WITHOUT DOUBT, YES! but given a choice, would i forgo the party and give the money away? WAIT A MIN, LET ME THINK. i dunno. this hesitant sometimes irks me. its time to move beyond head knowledge abt God's ministry and have do something abt it.

As some of you may know, i'm involved with the VCF caroling event at the end of the year. I wouldn't secularize the event and deny its an outreach programme. why caroling? its because we want to involve our friends to show love to others through spending time with them. and how is it more effective in spreading the gospel? one thing i've learnt is not to gauge the worth of anything based on its effectiveness. yup, its a cliche statement, but this time, it's said from the heart. its no easy battle telling yourself to carry on and stay focused on Him instead of your own efforts. Pls keep our team in prayer, that we stay true to our objective and not be swayed.

i also think that... this doesnt apply only to ministering but also to our studies. final year's crazy. and i feel that i'm drown in my work and unknowingly, joined the crazy rat race to ace for the semester that i hardly enjoy the things i'm learning eversince recess wk. i dun have time to listen and crash other modules for the pleasuring of learning, hm.... and i'm quite sad abt it. what's more irritating is that i'm losing motivation to go for my own lectures and the topic and "quality" of the lecture notes and lecturer determined my attendance for quite a few weeks. i'm disappointed with myself. well, ling ting and hongda thinks i'm too hard on myself but all agreed that we have this tendency to be more concerned with the academic results rather than enjoy the things that we learn.

i guess, it's never gonna be easy trying to walk between the extremes. it would be a constant battle. its hard, but its a cause worth struggling for.

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