behind every "just kidding", there's some truth

behind every "I don't care", there's some emotion

behind every "it's okay", there's some hurt

behind every "I don't know", there's some kay-siao.

the singaporean element makes it special eh.

i think i've got a glimpse of what does it means by living with chronic pain over these 2 months, especially over this weekend. I don't know if it was because my memory's failing me or it was really less painful when i put on my braces for the first time in secondary sch. This time, it's causing me ALOT of problems. first, they put a clay-like stone on the last tooth of my upper jaw to separate my jaw, break my bite in the name to correct my teeth position faster. later on the ancient problem of jaw protruding out of the crown, poking into my gums:(. now they've came up with something new to torture me:( they've drilled 2 metal implants into my upper jaw last friday to pull my jaw back... and seriously, it's killing me. though it's just 1 weekend, the pain's already unbearable. so i made a call to my dentist's office today and asked when can the implants be removed. to my utter disappointment, the assistant dentist said they have yet to put in the spring and would only remove the implants when i remove my braces.

guess i might have sound abit hesitant over the phone so she proceeded to ask if i had any problems with my implants. so i told her my issue with pain and the conversation ended with an appointment tml morning at 11am. she said she'll review me tml as the pain will usually subside within 2 days. I've been popping pain killers 6 hrly today and it's not fun. once the medicine's effect wears off, i can hardly concentrate on my studies. bleahs. i'm really tempted to tell them to remove my implants, remove the whole braces, i can do with a imperfect smile, ugly smile, whatever you call it.

on reflection, i guess this is how patients feel huh... esp cancer patients, bone cancer patients! they have to live with their pain for life. whether or not they receive treatment, they'll still experience pain. but more often than not, it's the medical treatment (radiotherapy, chemotherapy's side effects) which causes most pain. i can better relate with patients who would rather not receive treatment or patients who tell me they would rather die. It's just sad that there's almost nothing we could do for them but to listen to them. well. i'll just hope for the best for tml's dental appt. don't be surprised if you see me w/o braces anymore. i might just flip:) MUHAHAHHAHAA. okay, just kidding. (but there's some truth in it)

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