Jiji-mor

2012-01-07T10:36:00.002+08:00

wicked* last thursday:) enjoyable and hopeful musical:) what better way to end the evening with a lovely song.

For good

ELPHABA:
I'm limited
just look at me i'm limited
and just look at you you can do all I couldn't do
glinda,
so now its up to you
for both of us
now it's up to you

GLINDA:
I've heard it said
that people come into our lives
for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
and we are lead to those
who help us most to grow
if we let them and we help them in return
Well i dont know if i believe that's true
But i know i'm who i am today
because i knew you.

Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
halfway through the wood.
Who can say if i've been changed for the better
but, because i knew you
I have been changed for good.

ELPHABA:
It well may be
that we will never meet again in this lifetime
so let me say before we part
so much of me is made from what i learned from you
You'll be with me
like a hand print on my heart
Now whatever way our stories end
I know you have rewritten mine
by being my friend

Like a ship blown from it's mooring
by a wind off the sea
like a seed dropped by a sky bird
in a distant wood
Who can say if i've been changed for the better?
But because i knew you

reflecting the past year, there are many things that made me stopped in my tracks (either in joy or disgust)and many people who walked in and out of my life. how are these things applicable to my life? what do these things mean? has it made me better? has it turned me worse? i'm not sure. but 1 thing i'm certain of is that, i've changed.

my friends, i'm glad you've came into my life because i know im who i am today because i knew you:) friends from china, we may never meet again in this lifetime but you guys have taught me so much so much. i'll be eternally grateful.

2011-12-16T11:51:00.001+08:00

we get use to convenience too fast.... too fast for our technology to catch up with us.

2011-12-07T09:49:00.002+08:00

卢广仲 - 坏掉了

Apple 吃一口是昨天超商买的
今天怎么就怎么就这样开心的坏掉了
Computer 不理我是去年你送我的
今天怎么就怎么就这样聪明的坏掉了

我看天气慢慢的坏了而你也有点会坏了
这世界有什么事情是永远永远不会坏的
我的善良不会坏天空的太阳不会坏
正义的英雄会捍卫着不用怕保固期限结束了

我要保存我善良和同理心的新鲜度，不要让它在我努力工作的时候偷偷坏倒。

2011-11-19T10:36:00.002+08:00

i'm sorry, i cant resist but!

"hello andrew, is your brother overseas? he hasnt been replying to my emails and smses. needa discuss with him gcube stuff."

5 mins later,

"hello carmen, i'm afraid he cant reply you, he just enlisted."

WHAT?! ENLISTED. O BOY....I'M GONNA KILL YOU EUGENE.

2011-10-27T21:43:00.000+08:00

:( i dont like it when my roster comes out. very sian...........

2011-10-24T22:45:00.002+08:00

last friday was horrible. busy day, late break, bought diluted hot chocolate from 7-11 and ant infested lunchbox:( so dejectedly, i walked back to nus with my remaining $2.50 and lined up for zi cha. well, then my day brightened up adrian called me from the back. he too, was having a bad day at lab. it was a delightful dinner where we talked abt the good old JC days and how biology tortured everyone.

on hindsight, i come to appreciate JC biology abit more. though bioengineering is dry and boring, learning how DNA transcript and translate isnt gonna help me conquer the world but.... it was, interesting. through our conversations, i couldnt help but to think biology at the micro level is actually elegant and almost effortless but definitely not random. it was rlly humbling and amazing to think these are all designed by God, for us. gets me to think abt faith and academics again. if more people can look beyond the whole argument and divide btw science and religion, facts and values, maybe we might have more christian scientists.....

2011-10-16T23:27:00.001+08:00

realised i didnt post this last october.

i miss traveling. and just when i thought i finally got tired from being away from home. 可能，回到新加坡的生活不如想像中如意。

可能。。。是还没找到能避风的港湾吧。。。

it has been crazy busy these days at work because of new year. busy-ness, is a scary thing, it is a catalyst to numbness. i realise i complain much more these days, losing my temper with myself more and dreading to handle/help some of the patients' relatives. the way out of this, is to always remind myself not to be numb. but how? being a person who resisted to change, i never thought much about changing the environment that im in but recently, i've been challenged (in one way or another) to rlly consider if i should continue to stay in a&e after 2 years. ive heard ppl saying that once you're comfortable in a certain area, maybe it's the que for you to move on/change an environment. i never really believed in that statement, until now? but change is not easy. so the only way to remain sane is to always be in an uncomfortable environment? to always be on my guard, to be prepared for any change to come my way? its not cool. recalling the first few months at work, it is NOT a pleasant experience. and till now, i'm not even a confirmed staff and im feeling numb already? this is bad. bleahs. what a brand new year.

2011-10-14T23:25:00.002+08:00

watching news reports on thailand, my heart ached. i realised i can no longer lean back in my sofa thinking "thank God it didnt happen in Sg" or "lucky i'm not in thailand". what does this flood mean to thailand? more ppl out of job? more hawkers unable to make a living? would the poor get poorer now?

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy?

2011-10-10T10:59:00.003+08:00

there's just too many hurt around these days. my friends, all will pass, with grace and time.

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

2011-09-23T00:21:00.002+08:00

it was a crazy yet eventful day.

collapse, coroners' case, road traffic accident (RTAs), traumatic SAH, ?stroke, AMI, emergency delivery, SOB, hypoglycemia, all coming on the same day. having 8 standbys in 1 shift is no joke.

2011-09-12T18:55:00.002+08:00

as i'm chionging my gcube report before may lan kills me, it gave me time to think and reflect abt the times that i had in china. i missed it, despite all the toil and stress, somehow, someway. looking at the faces in the video sze jet put tgt, i realize i might not see these ppl again, ever, in my life....

2011-09-11T00:07:00.002+08:00

well, i do agree that tonight's event's sinified (cheena-fied) but then again, the main audience are our chinese friends what. as much as their 长江song have "communistic" music elements, but we cant deny it's part of their culture and legacy. what's a patriotic song if it doesnt have it's country's culture? i mean, i think "home" might sound cheesy to them too.

it's bad enough that they dun get to celebrate mid autumn festival in a foreign land, it doesnt have to get worse.

2011-09-10T10:31:00.003+08:00

woo, no. 300 post:).

watching the youtube videos posted on Soar fb page, it rlly gets me to think about my faith. funny, stumbling, offending sometimes but yet true. eek. how did all those words appear in ONE sentence. at this rate, i'm gonna burn in hell.

it reminded me a recent conversation with elaine, where she points out that not everyone do bible study to know God more, they just want to increase their biblical knowledge. it is scary, how the outward manifestations can be so similar when the motive is so different. if we're not different from others, it wouldnt rlly matter if Christianity cease to exist. the world wouldnt be any different.

being in the workforce challenges me on several aspects which can be very irritating. gets me to think what does it mean to go for service, going for service on sunday, the meaning of sabbath, how do i see God's calling in my work, etc. i guess i'll learn somehow someway. it's been a blessing to have supportive friends over the pass 2 months. i thank every one of you who lent an ear and gave valuable advices and encouragements.

2011-09-04T22:17:00.002+08:00

i dunno if i should read the book first or watch the musical first but i've bought the "wicked" storybook.

2011-08-26T22:07:00.002+08:00

this is a transition.

i wonder how long would it last.

i am grateful for the graduates nursing residency programme (GNRP). it was comforting to know that i'm not the only one going through all these. it is indeed challenging to see work as something God ordains. being compassionate and caring just seems to be part of the job, seems to be something i should be and sometimes i'm not sure if i truly want to be nice.

this is a transition.

it kills me to see my dad troubled. although we're not as close as we used to be, or i might even find him "slow" or naggy, he's still my soft spot, so much so that after watching the thai insurance commercial on fb, i cried. :( jiayou daddy.

2011-08-13T08:49:00.002+08:00

it's getting difficult to hang in there. i supposed, stepping out of comfort zone is always difficult, but it's almost impossible to imagine how all these will pass. broken as i am, i cant seem to be able to accept a broken world.

2011-07-04T18:22:00.002+08:00

today. today. today, i learnt that my first crush is engaged! darn. 24, he made it. it is interesting to have access to fb again after so long. you get all sorts of updates and information.

haha. many people asked me how did my trip go. it's a common question and not an easy question to answer. the fact is i feel that nothing much's happen and yet upon reflecting, it feel that it has some kind of impact on me. seeing and experiencing how life is like overseas in interesting. i wasnt a tourist but rlly, a traveler on this trip. i was glad that i managed to make friends and live like the locals for the passed month. some may know, i struggled in many ways before i go for this trip. i wasn't all too excited or keen on going to xining but at the end of it, i am really really glad and grateful to God for allowing me to have this one month experience. i was attached to an university in Qinghai, China as an exchanging student studying Chinese, Minorities culture and Han Yu (Chinese Language). it was interesting and fun as there isn't any homework or exams. it is also fun 'cause i was a student and they had many many sch events for us to attend. it was the last taste of sch life before i graduate so i sort of had an extra month of sch:) i dun think i would ever have such a carefree school life in the future though... haha.

at this time.....

yesterday (one day ago sounds weird and grammartically wrong), i was watching transformers

a week ago, i was at qinghai lake

a month ago, i just reached xining for the 2nd day

a year ago, i was in shanghai

woohoo. wonder what will i be doing on 4th july next year. prolly working.

2011-05-14T22:08:00.003+08:00

i'm glad the wedding's over. yes, i'm certainly happy for bing shun but i feel happy too 'cause i played the choir piece for SING. not perfect but the practising part is agonizing. when i'm not working, i'm either planning for taiwan trip or practising piano. in fact, my arms are aching now. i dun really know if i'm aching from the practising or CPR yst.

come to think of it, it's the first time i did CPR, and we didnt manage to bring the patient back. :(. 47 years old. too young. too young.

reminded me of a story that my mom told me. when she was young, she used to think she's done everything interesting and though living on would be boring. so she went up to my grandpa and said"啊爸，我觉得人不需要活太久，活到差不多40岁就好了。" grandpa looked at her, amused and ask "点解？(why)", "活太久会闷。" I laughed. I asked my mom how old was grandpa then. she said "40 几吧". so i asked what was grandpa's reaction. mom shrugged, and said "grandpa said "you could be right", laughed and messed up my hair." haha, i expected nothing less from grandpa. it takes a great sense of humour for you not to strangle the crazy kid at times. i'm glad grandpa has this great sense of humour and this love for my mom. well, my grandpa passed away when he's 60? that's pretty young for modern medical advancements. he died in his slp, after a hearty meal, peacefully. looking back at his life, it was not a smooth sailing life. he encountered many hurdles, sadness. from how his business failed, how grandma's schizo acted up, how his pancreas failed him (melted, literally), etc. but he was never a sad resentful man. my impression of him was a happy, easy going old man who loved me alot. impressive. though he passed on, but his positive outlook did not. i secretly think that it passed on to my mom. her insanely funny jokes drives you crazy yet reflecting her simple worldview.

it's particularly encouraging when you see people who've been through worse and still passionate about life and the things they're doing now. like grandpa and some nurses at work. last wk was horrible, got me dejected, thinking if i was cut out for A&E. some mistakes that i make made me feel that i'm the most stupid student in the world. people's comments didnt help much either. "you mean you're an uni student?" or "year 3 already. how to graduate like that?" or "o, n** student arh? no wonder la". and when i'm not precept-ed properly, left to float, it makes me lost and tired. being sick and working makes me tired. floating makes me feel that i'm not being able to help out much. and to be honest, nm didnt help much either. my senior was telling me abt her plans to leave nursing when she's out for less than a year. but then this wk, i'm re-charge. i thank God for the nurses that He sent to precept me. Lukman was an encouragement. Hariyani made me feel that we're a team. we dun have to drown in the system alone. celine also encouraged me by saying "well, it's okay to make mistakes now. if someone scolds you, dun be discourage. learn it, rmb it hard, and dun give that person the chance to scold you again." God's amazing in the perfect timing. i felt so deluded and disillusioned last wk. i'm glad i moved on, moved out of the gloomy cloud.

okay lar, last wk was an eventful wk, wasnt all bad. i survived my nights. ha, and i nearly fainted-->hypoglycemia i guess. felt nausea and everything's blacking out. thankfully i managed to walked to the staff room before i collapsed onto the sofa. blacked out for a while and woke up a while later. but i think i scared huiqing quite abit after telling her. she's been asking me if i'm okay whenever she sees me on shift. haha. guess the eye bags make me look even sicker.

3 more days:) yay:) and thailand, here i come! hee. browsing through facebook makes me think that people are getting better at one liners. there are actually some good ones. heh.

2011-05-02T20:29:00.002+08:00

i saw it coming, somehow i just had a feeling i would get............ sick.

!@#$%. down with a cold. runny nose, sore throat and feverish. i hope it's not a bacteria infection then can dun take Antibiotics. it's just... you kinda know what the body's doing now, trying to mount an attack back onto whatever's causing you to get sick and you know the process is gonna take long.

gets me to think, why are we so interested in ppl's illness/condition. is it because we wanna know what's going to happen? guess which stage is the illness at now? sometimes it's just scary. you know what's the kind of treatment and suffering awaiting for the person when they tell you they're sick.

today: :| i dunno how i survived my shift:) but thankfully i did.

2011-04-18T22:26:00.001+08:00

2011-04-17T23:04:00.003+08:00

reading wk is supposed free me from busyness to study. how come i find myself busier this wk? rawr.

A&E is fun, but i feel that i need a preceptor who is available to monitor me throughout a shift. i mean, yes, i'm doing all my daily chores well, skills are getting better but i feel lost and dun rlly know what's going on when i just help all around. no continuity and before i know the reason why some of my patients come in for, they left. to the wards, discharged or even crossed over. and i cant help but to feel like a vulturer at times. hoping that there are more cases so i'll have the opportunity to learn, to take case, to take a standby. dilemma eh.

some staff are nice, some staff are less friendly, some staff just ignore us. rawr. i can't help but to feel stressed. claudia is fast and good at her work and knowledge, xuan ting is calm and steady. i'm like the weakest link. i do feel the stress to perform, to live up to a degree nurse standard and be worthy of my pay. !@#$%.

gcube's fund raising's going well. hope it continues to get better:) hee. hope to sell off all the shirts i have. rlly encouraged and touched by friends' support:) and i have to continue practicing my guitar. but the one at home's just so difficult to play. :(. my fingers are dying.

and finally, the question which everyone's asking. to graduate or to do honours. i dunno i'm sian, rlly sian. i'm just not gonna think abt it for now. i have enough things at hand which i have to deal with or to solve. i'll just wait till my results come out and decide. meanwhile, i've decided i'll study properly for my exams this time. do remind me to study when you see me around. it'll rlly be helpful, in case i laze off again. and practice guitar.

in essence, :|

2011-02-28T23:21:00.001+08:00

2011-02-23T10:08:00.002+08:00

was walking home from mrt station ~12 yst and i was pretty shocked to find construction work going on at the mrt station. i looked at the construction workers and wonder if they've just started work or they've been working since morning and rushing the mrt project at night. and i've got a nasty feeling that the latter is true. :( this sudden sense of sadness just overwhelmed me instantly.

this reminds me of uncle R at the ward that i've worked in. he's a housekeeper at the hospital and i've noticed that he always worked afternoon shift. one free afternoon, micki and i decorated a wall in the ward with uncle R and just by standing next to him, i could hear him breathing loudly. i askedif he was feeling breathless and his reply was "o this weak heart of mine! i did a bypass recently". i was like... arh! so i asked him if this was the reason he worked afternoon shift, so that he could have more rest. he looked at me with an amused expression, laughed and said "no my dear. i sell roti prata in the morning at gombak... that's why i can only work at the hospital in the afternoon". tt's no joke. selling roti prata for 3-4 hours is rlly exhausting, not to mention hot. after more questions, i realised uncle R needs to wake up at 4am and be at the shop at 6am every morning. after which he would close around 11 plus, go home and bath and reach the hospital at 1pm to start his shift and would be working till 9pm. "why take 2 jobs then uncle R?" i asked. "what to do? still got housing loan to pay....". seriously, i felt rlly sad and scared. my fear is one day, after he repaid all his loans, he would be using his money on nursing his health back. or he would never be able to repaid his loans this lifetime. i know i'm taking this abit too far... and this is how ppl survive in the society but it's just that when the hard cold reality hits...... RAAR

2011-01-14T11:09:00.003+08:00

it's not makeup, it's not blush, it's just red.

not swelling, not tender but just a little itching

yes, my 2 red rosy cheeks. i dunno whether to be happy or sad when ppl compliment my cheeks. cause technically i dunno what happen. it just got red. i dunno if it's an allergy, dryness or ??? rawr!

2010-12-08T21:28:00.002+08:00

attachments brings the worst out of me:(

i seem to be more competitive, more judgmental (of my colleagues, sadly) than i am in school. but today when i try to be more open to one of my coursemates (one whom i didnt rlly see eye to eye with), it seems that it is possible to work tgt with people i dun like, if i am willing to put down my prejudice and start afresh again.

my ward's rlly boring... cause there's 27students. that's even more students than patients. :( but ironically, the teaching and guiding by the CI is by far, the best and most well-coordinated one of all my attachment. well, guess you cant have everything in life eh?

okay, i'm quite demoralized by caroling. this is so tough. N3s only have 2 people joining. hai. i'm just not good at publicizing to my friends. hai.

but there are still things to be joyful and thankful about. good clinical instructors who are ever so patient and concerned abt our learning. nice lingting to swap shifts with me... so i won't feel so shitty. the caroling sectional leaders are zai~ jia mian was super nice and understanding to lend us cvcf's keyboard. i have very supportive committee members and sectional leaders:) and hanyang (coordinator for KWSH caroling 2 years ago) came to a Christ a few months ago:) so much for hoping to tell him the good news through this event... God worked in his life much earlier than we did. haha.

i can only cross my fingers and pray hard that everything goes well on sat, next sat and caroling itself.

2010-12-01T14:58:00.002+08:00

可能这段时间考试吧，就有多一点时间呆在家里，听听音乐。也因为不太好意思太光明正大的在考试期间追看连戏剧，哈！所以就最多用youtube看看演唱会，mtv。。。

台上一分钟，台下十年功。有参与过表演的人一定能体会这句话的心情与它背后的心酸。在youtube看了苏打绿对《十年一刻》的解说和分享了创造感想后更喜欢这首歌了。里面描写了表演者在舞台后的努力，也激励那些一直／还在奋斗的人：）看到成功了的人鼓励后辈时特别令我感动。在这个 “人不为己，天诛地灭” 的社会里，很多人都只顾自己，完全不顾别人。有时不是不想替别人着想而是已经没力气去想了。成功后也不一定会去帮助人因为爬上来这个地位的过程实在太苦了，一定要把全部的精神放在自己生上。但是，就是有一群人知道其中的辛苦，明白当中的无奈，所以愿意伸出手拉还在挣扎的人一把，给个温暖的拥抱，说些鼓励的话。虽然苏打绿的歌是写给表演人员的，但不也是写给了其他还在努力的人吗？我们又是否鼓励／关心过我们身边的人／后辈呢？

〈十年一刻〉

那姑娘半頂著妝身手漂亮皮黃嘴上流浪
那兩人說帶著鬧歌舞齊發百花手上飛揚
年歲的河已三百趟那江水走遍大街小巷
不管是生旦淨末丑跑龍套也能讓你激昂
寧願捨一頓飯也聽你唱

可能忙了又忙可能傷了又傷
可能無數眼淚在夜晚嚐了又嚐
可是換來成長可是換來希望
如今我站在台上和你音樂隨享

那珍珠開在東方異國芬芳天鵝頂上蕩漾
那文化活在日常英雄好漢梆子曲上爭仗
將心靈的面具塗畫那角色穿越時空長廊
不管是冰雪與風霜哪個斷腸人在水一方
消磨這一身魂也陪你闖

可能忙了又忙可能傷了又傷
可能無數眼淚在夜晚嚐了又嚐
可是換來成長可是換來希望
如今我站在台上這麼對你講

十年的功聚成燦爛那一分鐘的夢
生命舞台發光的人絕不是只會說

可能忙了又忙可能傷了又傷
可能無數眼淚在夜晚嚐了又嚐
可是換來成長可是換來希望
如今我站在台上

可能耗盡堅強可能歷經滄桑
可能我的瘋狂暫時不得到原諒
可是我知道啊可是我明白啊
是我的執著搏來在你面前歌唱
唱著我的幻想唱著我的荒唐
唱著與你分享打通我們的窗

2010-11-27T22:11:00.002+08:00

Quote from Wai Jia that i found very inspiring:)

"Sometimes, it is not what we choose which defines us, but all the other things which we had to give up for that one thing."

It's actually biblical too- like when the rich young ruler asked Jesus what he had to do to get to heaven, Jesus didn't ask him to do one specific thing, but rather, asked him to give up everything he had... and the rich young ruler, looking at all his kingdoms and prosperity and wealth could not... and missed the greatest treasure of all... ..

2010-11-15T18:13:00.002+08:00

this cracked me up when i heard it over the radio:

behind every "just kidding", there's some truth

behind every "I don't care", there's some emotion

behind every "it's okay", there's some hurt

behind every "I don't know", there's some kay-siao.

the singaporean element makes it special eh.

i think i've got a glimpse of what does it means by living with chronic pain over these 2 months, especially over this weekend. I don't know if it was because my memory's failing me or it was really less painful when i put on my braces for the first time in secondary sch. This time, it's causing me ALOT of problems. first, they put a clay-like stone on the last tooth of my upper jaw to separate my jaw, break my bite in the name to correct my teeth position faster. later on the ancient problem of jaw protruding out of the crown, poking into my gums:(. now they've came up with something new to torture me:( they've drilled 2 metal implants into my upper jaw last friday to pull my jaw back... and seriously, it's killing me. though it's just 1 weekend, the pain's already unbearable. so i made a call to my dentist's office today and asked when can the implants be removed. to my utter disappointment, the assistant dentist said they have yet to put in the spring and would only remove the implants when i remove my braces.

guess i might have sound abit hesitant over the phone so she proceeded to ask if i had any problems with my implants. so i told her my issue with pain and the conversation ended with an appointment tml morning at 11am. she said she'll review me tml as the pain will usually subside within 2 days. I've been popping pain killers 6 hrly today and it's not fun. once the medicine's effect wears off, i can hardly concentrate on my studies. bleahs. i'm really tempted to tell them to remove my implants, remove the whole braces, i can do with a imperfect smile, ugly smile, whatever you call it.

on reflection, i guess this is how patients feel huh... esp cancer patients, bone cancer patients! they have to live with their pain for life. whether or not they receive treatment, they'll still experience pain. but more often than not, it's the medical treatment (radiotherapy, chemotherapy's side effects) which causes most pain. i can better relate with patients who would rather not receive treatment or patients who tell me they would rather die. It's just sad that there's almost nothing we could do for them but to listen to them. well. i'll just hope for the best for tml's dental appt. don't be surprised if you see me w/o braces anymore. i might just flip:) MUHAHAHHAHAA. okay, just kidding. (but there's some truth in it)

2010-11-09T11:54:00.003+08:00

just had Gcube retreat last saturday, the last Gcube session of phase 1. i can almost imagine ben clapping his hands. haha. yup, i'm sorry for MIA-ing for 6 tuanqi sessions. NO MORE THAN THAT OKAY? just that i went for faith wkend so it felt like i'm gone for a long time. hey, but i turned up for the blind side moview sharing. dont any of you ppl rmb it? rawr.

but cause weishieng went for a mission conference for 3 wks, heh, i have yet to complete the last bible study for Gcube:) it's kinda fun and i'm not complaining. in a sense, i think i've learnt alot from the course and i rlly enjoy the whole process. though it rlly gets uncomfortable and throws you out of your comfort zone.... i guess, it was rlly a step out. It is always comfortable and convenient to just sit around and think abt these things and imagine what you're gonna do but the real question at the last session was really, what are we going to do from now then? what now?

we can no longer go back to our lives and live as though nothing has changed. 1 thing i've learnt was that if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. uncomfortable right? you cant just do nothing and watch the world go by when you know you're contributing to social injustice, poverty, widening the rich-poor gap, greenhse effect, etc. what these are problems larger than life, it seems almost impossible for us to do anything. i dunno.

recently i just had my 21st birthday. yes yes, i had my party in the end.:) happy. but before that, i rlly struggled whether to have a party anot. i was excited to have my family and friends with me and the main thing that's holding me back was that there wasnt a suitable date to hold the party on. but as i sit down and think through, i began to think is it worthwhile to spend this money on my self gratification or should i just donate my whole party budget to some charitable organisation or use it for some ministry. regrettably, i chose not to think abt it any further when i didnt know what to do. the battle between my own enjoyment and forgoing my own desires was an ugly one. the battle ended in 2 weeks when apathy took over me, when busy-ness overwhelmed me. i was and still is a problem.

did i enjoy the party? DEFINITELY. did i feel guilty? WITHOUT DOUBT, YES! but given a choice, would i forgo the party and give the money away? WAIT A MIN, LET ME THINK. i dunno. this hesitant sometimes irks me. its time to move beyond head knowledge abt God's ministry and have do something abt it.

As some of you may know, i'm involved with the VCF caroling event at the end of the year. I wouldn't secularize the event and deny its an outreach programme. why caroling? its because we want to involve our friends to show love to others through spending time with them. and how is it more effective in spreading the gospel? one thing i've learnt is not to gauge the worth of anything based on its effectiveness. yup, its a cliche statement, but this time, it's said from the heart. its no easy battle telling yourself to carry on and stay focused on Him instead of your own efforts. Pls keep our team in prayer, that we stay true to our objective and not be swayed.

i also think that... this doesnt apply only to ministering but also to our studies. final year's crazy. and i feel that i'm drown in my work and unknowingly, joined the crazy rat race to ace for the semester that i hardly enjoy the things i'm learning eversince recess wk. i dun have time to listen and crash other modules for the pleasuring of learning, hm.... and i'm quite sad abt it. what's more irritating is that i'm losing motivation to go for my own lectures and the topic and "quality" of the lecture notes and lecturer determined my attendance for quite a few weeks. i'm disappointed with myself. well, ling ting and hongda thinks i'm too hard on myself but all agreed that we have this tendency to be more concerned with the academic results rather than enjoy the things that we learn.

i guess, it's never gonna be easy trying to walk between the extremes. it would be a constant battle. its hard, but its a cause worth struggling for.

2010-10-18T15:40:00.002+08:00

I'm beat:( and coughing half of october away... i find myself in the similar dilemma every semester. heh, i want this to be over, quick but... on second thought... nay, forget it... i've yet to finish chionging my work. it's a hot monday afternoon and i have very temptation to be lazy and slack off. and now that i cant turn to my favourite coffee to perk myself up, i guess i should just nap for 20mins:)

2010-10-11T00:20:00.001+08:00

how do i sleep in peace when there's a cockroach as long as my finger lurking around in my living room:(

2010-08-06T23:36:00.002+08:00

finally, i'm more or less synchronized to life back at home. after all the flying in the previous month. it has certainly been exciting and memorable. i rlly thank God for this break man. cause just being back for 1 wk is enough to remind myself how much things there are for me to attend to. i'm sure friendships deepen and my adventurous soul has been well fed during the holiday.

last sem was crazy. juggling with friends, family, work, sch, services, definitely tiring. and i think my temper became worse, attention span getting worse, and finding it a chore to think/ reflect. and die, i start to find the joy in retail therapy. not good for my bank account at all... bleahs. but at the same time, i gain many things. like getting more familiar with drugs because of work, get to learn much more because of the activities that i'm involved in, encouraged and been encouraged by different ppl who step into my life.

looking back, while sharing at nursing ministry, i rlly feel that my previous attachment was a wake up call. ppl like to ask why i chose nursing... contrary to common answers/ reason (like because rlly have the passion to nurse ppl, like caring for ppl, etc), i rlly dun have that calling. it just so happened that after A levels, many ppl suggested that i try nursing, and somehow, i chose it. i always thought and still believe that it was God's plan to lead me into nursing cause i rlly find myself enjoying nursing much more than i could ever expect. i always believed that it wasnt me who chose nursing but nursing which chose me. but nursing is rlly a humbling experience. i mean, it rlly boils down to serving ppl and working with ppl, rlly realising we're not that different, not superior to them in anyway. it's scary when i notice pride consuming me unknowingly, how i complain abt the unfair treatment i'm receiving and complain abt why am i knocking off late, why the patient HAS to call me to do things when i'm abt to knock off. not happy with my attitude during my previous attachment. bleah. hope the next one will be better, i will do better:)

right now, as i come to the end of my second year in nursing (actually, already ended, i'm a N3 now), it was rlly a thrilling roller coaster ride. the beginning of year 3 makes me excited but at the same time, fearful. i'm not sure what the future holds, what this semester will turn out to be.... haha, i cant help but to have an awesome feeling abt this semester. haha, ask me how i feel again at the end of the year man. i wonder what would my answer be. hehe.

2010-08-01T22:24:00.002+08:00

my amazing july:

1st july: got up at 6am, took mrt to airport, flew to hk at 1010, transit to shanghai at 1500, lost luggage, had good cakes at 85度C:)

2nd july: woke up at 5 am plus by a call from hotel counter, had luggage delivered to my doorstep at 545am. went nanjing pu xing jie, wai tan, qi pu lu and had 6RMB/plate sushi

3rd july: met isaac for breakfast at 静安寺 station, went to take bus to jiang jia gang:) had goose liver and lotsa milk:) played with fei fei and kiki

4th july: free soya bean milk with you tiao:) went to 购物公园, had awesome individual steamboat lunch. watched movie at home, bought groceries and had a authentic taiwanese dinner by lingting's mom:), sabourteured:)

5th july: 香山风景区 for morning walk, had wantan and lou mian:) cut hair, massage, foot reflexology, went home, napped, had dumplings for dinner:) watched abit of 2012

6th july: went to 苏州乐园, kfc-ed, sang k, ate cup noodles at 1am, sabourteured till 3 plus 4

7th july: took bus back to shanghai at 950, met isaac, ordered takeaway pizza, went da pu bridge and expo. subwayed for dinner and went 新天地's paul和思南路's hof:) watched harry meets sally till germany against spain match, which started at 2.30am.

8th july: woke up earlier than i tot, went to zhong shan for breakfast and rushed down to tianzifang. then mrt-ed to airport and arrived 5 mins before last check in, 45 mins before actual flight time. flew to hk, 舅母picked us up. went for dessert had dinner with grandma and aunties and uncles

9th july: yum cha with grandma:):)went hua yu jie and shopped:) then went to mongkok centre. went to 五伯娘's place have dinner

10th july: went to the peak, walked down and took van zai down to central. took tram to causeway bay to have lunch with aunty may. went to stanley bay and took ferry back to kowloon. had dinner with maternal grandma and relatives, walked around soho. totally not what i expected:( no bars, but just clubs

11th july: church in the morning, lunched with relatives, went to shop for shoes, had afternoon tea with aunty eppie, went to hk for dinner with uncle andy and family.

12th july: breakfast at cha chan ting, went for yu pi and fishball noodles with uncle michael and jasper. went dong chung, got shoes and nike shirt. then went guan tang. then went to disney to see fireworks. met up with 四姑妈, cant slp cause of milk tea at dinner

13th july: aussie milk breakfast, went to ocean park, went to spaghetti hse for lunch, went to new century square, bought books again:) dinner with jenny, alex, jasper and uncle michael

14th july: lunch with 二姑丈, grandma and uncle michael, met candy, kelvin and 舅母. went to grand grandma's place, chatted, went airport:) shopped for stitch at disney shop at airport. muahhahaha, back to singapore

15th, 16th july: slacked and rested well at home

17th july: precept, took terry's car to lingting's place. watched despicable me!

18th july: church, lunch with soar, afternoon at shimu's place, home

19th july: did u/s abd, went to esther's place and watch whip it:), dinner with gladys, dropped by clinic after dinner

20th july: worked in the morning, watched inception with hongda, cheeping's birthday dinner

21st july: met zhenping to do up debbie's billy's wedding gift, went to xue er's place:), dinner with kayee, esther and laiyi at tcc

22nd july: matric fair, work at night

23rd july: movied with mom, had dinner with thomas, and FOOD POISONING! vomited since 7am

24th july: saw the dr, jabbed, went for billy and debbie's wedding, slept, missed my flight:(

25th july: sad day:( until i booked another flight to perth

26th july: took 9.05 flight to perth, reached at 230pm. waited for yx till 3 plus. took debbie's car to st cats, formal hall:) christian union, chatting

27th july: walked around st cats, jester for breakfast, subiaco for lunch, harbourtown for shopping, subiaco sucillian for italian dinner and dessert at san churrios. knew nikki, chatted with jocelyn and emma and esther

28th july: went for lecture with esther, lunch at boardway, tea at french cafe, lecture again, watched "farmer wants a wife" at college. koped movie from jessie and fell aslp w/o watching

29th july: fell asleep at emma's atypical psych lecutre:( felt uncomfortable. napped for 2 hrs, went to the city, went for dinner with cheeping, yx, sk and esther. bubble tea-ed:) went to kings park with cheeping, sk and esther, went to emma's room for a while and had "back massage" by emma and love pillow from jessie

30th july: went for sk's lecture in the morning, then cheeping accompanied me for breakfast, went to take a look at his place, met esther and sk later on. had lunch at taka with yx and walked around the city. then went ciao italian with emma, chris, joc, esther at night. waited for 2hrs in the cold and had fab food:), watched nanny diaries at night

31st: kings street for breakfast with joc and esther. took a train to fremantle. walked around and shopped abit. went to the lakehse and st georges for walk, went to taryn's birthday party. went airport at 940, sk drove, and wahla,

1st aug: i just finished updating everything for the past month. i'm tired

2010-06-29T00:37:00.002+08:00

就说不能再听苏打绿了嘛。。。你看！现在都几点了？

真的好想听他们唱live啊！

2010-06-27T22:38:00.002+08:00

holidays started! it seems too good to be true:) heh, had a blasting time since last thurs. haha. celebrated lingting's and qiwen's bday, and it seems to add to the joy and excitement that we already have on friday. we literally dread the last 8 hrs at work, but not because we dun like our work, it that we JUST CANT WAIT for our holidays to be FINALLY here. haha. okay, i sound like some maniac.

it seems like it's not just me who's in a holiday mood. some churchies are crazy too. esther, yx, cp's back from aussie, andrew, derong and 2 unfamiliar uncles are over at my place watching world cup. zy and elaine told me they're gonna take over my place to watch tennis in july for a while. seems like everyone's in the holiday mood... 不用睡的他们！都翻了。and i've been hooked onto soda green recently. and this, has always been a personal, long time, favourite:) not only the tune but the lyrics:) beautiful:)

频率

是不是只能透过双手爱才会有交直流

我也找不到够坚强的插座

看天空里浮云悠游羡煞了我的不自由

我站在窗口我蹲在角落听你的流动

看耳边的窝堆成泡沫

咽了下一口就放出彩虹落在我胸口

跳动的世界里找你的频率静止也不休息抓住你的呼吸

我再多说一句猜你的回应

流动的时间里找你的旋律转眼整个世界只剩你的应许

我放自己飞行今夜就开始放晴(在有你的记忆)

我身上还有春天的痕迹尘封的记忆已开始飘零

瞬间和永远零距离

2010-06-25T09:44:00.002+08:00

and it's raining! and raining! and raining! and 8 more hours to holiday!

argh, it's getting me into holiday mood already arh. :):):) the slacking weather.

2010-06-18T23:14:00.004+08:00

there's so many things to do!

1. to watch toy story 3

2. to go for purrr-fect exhibition

3. visit 25 degree celsius cafe at keong saik road (wherever is that. rawr)

4. pack my room

5. find out places to visit at shanghai expo/shanghai itself

6. satisfy my SUBWAY craving:(

7. start/go on/finish the books that i've borrow/bought

8. pack my luggage:)

9. meet up with the ppl that i promised/want to catch up with.

excited! 12 more days to go:) posting at operating theatre was just breath-taking. i'm like.. there, witnessing some of the most important moments of someone else's life which i dunno. and the OT was just cold! wore double scrubs everyday, drinking an average of 3 cups of real hot milo. and it's getting hard to kick the milo craving now. argh!!!

just ended posting at communicable disease centre today. heh. nursing HIV, malaria, dengue patients. well, i was worried before i started attachment actually... like.. i would have to take special precautions and stuff while nursing them, etc. but after being there, realised that they're pretty normal afterall. they're just normal patients, just sicker. more vulnerable to diseases which we're not vulnerable to. some of them vomit, have diarrhoea, smoke and a handful are bed bounded. they're just like more stubborn, more frail elderly. guess the stigmatization made them more.... stubborn and unwilling to reason. i spent forever telling ah pek not to smoke and he still tries to sneak out and smoke or get his brother or even one of us students to buy cigarettes for him. hai. you dun want him to smoke but his withdrawal symptoms are torturing him, making his already miserable life more unbearable. sometimes, i just think is it necessary to get him to quit smoking. i mean, how many more years would quitting smoking buy him? rawr.

"If you cant add days to life, then add life to days"

2010-06-03T09:14:00.003+08:00

some like to call it lucky, i would call it grace

some like to say it's the rainbow after storm, i would call it thunderstorms of blessings

2010-05-18T21:32:00.001+08:00

i miss ginger milk tea:( i miss strawberries:( i miss po lo bao:( i miss you:(

2010-05-05T11:05:00.002+08:00

with my new hub station (okay, i'm super laggy but yeah), i get to record lots of shows and watch, so happy:) well, thanks to the machine, i get to catch 红白喜事. well, it's been some time since i followed a local drama. though some of the scenes were cheesy, but, haha, i can fast forward them now! muhahahhahahahha.

okay, but that aside, watched an episode where jade seah was worried that she dun love her husband-to-be thus feeling stressed and was even having doubts abt the marriage. then the wedding coordinator told her that（agar-ration) "爱情不是比赛，付出的多的那方不一定是输家." well, very true but in this time and age, how many ppl would be willing to give more? how many times have we pouted, sighed and complained "it's unfair!". who is willing to put themselves at the vulnerable end? i know i cant. too afraid.

well, but looking at my dad, it warms my heart as he is so willing to give. my mom and i know it and sometimes we abuse it too. heh. for eg., my mom and i would argue over who should cook the meal, and the other person should wash the dishes as its only fair. well, if its my dad who cooked the meal, tendency is if you tell him you're rushing work or having a tummy ache after the meal, he would just wash all the dishes himself which my mom and i wouldnt do. we would just leave dishes at the sink and let the person who didnt cook wash it. haha. okay, minor and childish, but its sufficient for me to see my dad giving selflessly and taking an extra step to make his love ones more comfortable.

sweet.

2010-04-20T23:16:00.002+08:00

there's a season for love, but there's also a season for singlehood.

if God has plans for eternity, He would have an awesome plan for me.

was really funny, heard Dr Tan shared during vcf. apparently, it's quite common among some friends of mine to wonder if they're gonna be single forever, and Dr Tan addressed this question today. she was saying "you know, you have to be called to be single. if you hadnt heard any divine voice that you're gonna be single, you'll get married." haha, how reassuring for me. i'm single now for a reason. and i'm quite sure i havent got any divine voices telling me i'm gonna be single forever... so... haha, it's just a matter if i get married at 24, but... i can agar agar assume i would most probably end up married:) haha. well, but it's difficult to believe at times that my life is all planned out, and i just have to trust that it's gonna turn out just well. maybe it's just human nature, ppl tend to feel vulnerable when they're not control. but in life, things are just not within our control. so i guess let's just end with Psalm 139?

Psalm 139

¹ O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.

² You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

⁵ You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.

⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, ^{a]" style="line-height: 0.5em; ">[a]} you are there.

⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

¹¹ If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"

¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

¹⁶ your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!

¹⁸ Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.

¹⁹ If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!

²⁰ They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.

²¹ Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?

²² I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.

²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

2010-03-31T22:02:00.003+08:00

patch adams is nice:)

"see what no one else sees

see what everyone else chooses not to see because of fear, conformity and laziness

see the world in a whole new way each day"

"death, is not the enemy gentleman. if we are going to fight a disease, let's fight the most terrible diseases of all, indifference."

"a doctor's mission should not be just preventing death but improving the quality of life."

2010-03-21T23:44:00.001+08:00

让你心中乱了分寸你小心的问不停的问
其实我并没有你想像中完整
不会永远都像当初单纯不要把我当成小孩能不能
其实你不需要总是为我心疼不想永远依赖你的体温
我害怕你爱到最后失去灵魂

2010-03-21T21:20:00.002+08:00

i dunno, as much as i complain that i've having lesser time to myself, i cant help but admit i was the one who's trying to stuff my wk with events. i dunno what am i doing. find that i always have miscommunication issues with my parents nowadays which makes me rlly sian. but i am usually too tired at the end of the day to rlly talk to them nicely.

i had a decent dinner with my parents tonight, and talked to my dad. my dad also thinks maybe i have too many things going on in my life recently. haha. suggest i take some responsibilities off and have enough rest. i kept quiet. then he said "你不用把每一天塞满才算有life, 参与很多活动来证证实你的存在." i was pretty shocked, i didnt expect him to say that. cause i didnt think that i took up so many things to prove that i had a life. but somehow, i didnt say anything to defend myself. instead, i took time and digested what he was trying to say. and realization hit me. maybe i was just trying to hard to "experience" things. some friends around me kept saying "arh! we're gonna turn 21 this year. should do something crazy!" or those who turned 21 will say "this is the best time of your life! enjoy man." guess i was too overwhelmed and trying too hard. to rlly try every new thing, to pack everything that i could into my week.

but for now, i think, i rlly need my rest, rlly need my "couch potato" life. haha. you might be amused but now i have to make time and stay up just to watch tv or shows that i missed. for eg, if i miss the 8 o clock show and i know it's gonna be replayed at 12, i would stay up and watch. or i usually watch dramas online in the afternoon/late afternoon but nowadays, i hardly have any time at home. so i would start watching my dramas after i reached home, around 11, 11.30? then by the time i stay up till 1 plus, 2, i would think that i'm rlly stupid. i'm eating into my rest time and i would struggle to wake up the next day:( and be unproductive in the morning. rawr. you might just suggest that i should just stop watching tv, but... i dunno, maybe it's just a habit, a way to de-stress and relax? haha. but when my recreational activities are affecting my rest, it affects my whole life:( haha. dunno how true it is, but at least it's happening to me.

so..... i still dunno what to do... but, you can help me by....

1. chasing me offline after 12

2. dun let me snack

3. remind me that i have to study. haha.

4. stop me from taking up anymore commitments or doing anything crazy again.

ok, i wun promise that i will be able to change immediately... but i will make an effort to! to resume back to my normal life... haha.

2010-03-18T12:57:00.005+08:00

I'M LATE FOR SLEEP FOR 3 DAYS THIS WEEK!

okay, it sounds weird, but yeah, it's true. i've been telling myself to slp earlier, but i still end up sleeping around 12 plus 1. to make full use of my day, i would force myself to wake up at 8, but i would still fall asleep around 9 for another 20mins before i'm rlly awake:( and i get rlly sleepy during my lessons more often nowadays:( raar.

of course, those who watch Biggest Loser might have seen the advertisement saying lack of sleep increases appetite. argh, tell me abt it man. whenever i wanna stay awake, i would wanna eat stuff. rawr. i'm gonna be super fat. while thinking abt this, i decided to google abt it to see the science behind this phenomenon.

BBC News: Obesity linked to lack of sleep

It found that people who habitually slept for five hours had 15% more ghrelin, a hormone which increases feelings of hunger, than those who slept for eight hours.

Those who slept for less time were also found to have 15% less leptin, a hormone which suppresses appetite.

"These differences are likely to increase appetite and, in societies where food is readily available, this may contribute to obesity," Dr Taheri said.

"It is important for people to realise there is more to obesity than just stuffing your face."

"We have to realise that sleeping is not a waste of time, we have to recognise that it impacts on our health."

This study found people who slept for only four hours a night for two nights had an 18% reduction in leptin, anda 28% increase in ghrelin.

The young men in the study also tended to eat more sweet and starchy foods when sleep was cut short.

Dr Neil Stanley, of the British Sleep Society, said not everybody needs a lot of sleep.

"There have been a number of people who have been famous for being short sleepers, most famously in our time Margaret Thatcher, who was renowned for only four hours, and before that people like Napoleon and Hitler.

"None of those was particularly large. But on the other side is Winston Churchill, who famously had his two hour nap in the afternoon, but also did not sleep very much during the evening, and cannot be said to have been a slender gentleman."

dun tell me the second last paragraph is consoling, as much as Margaret Thatcher, Napoleon and Hitler arent fat, but they're pretty petite. i wouldnt fall under tt category:( i wouldnt be like Churchill (no offence, but i rlly dun wanna be like him physically. )=)

so, i should rlly catch up on slp, chase me offline at 12 yeah if you see me on msn... rawr.

2010-03-14T21:02:00.003+08:00

it's a funny yet heartwarming scene to see my family vying for the computers and tvs to watch programmes. i still cant get over the fact my dad actually likes and keeps up with 斗牛要不要 every wkday night. that's so teenage drama. haha.

2010-03-13T23:10:00.002+08:00

in case you dunno from facebook, I'M GONNA BE A SUPERWOMAN.

no, i'm didnt decide to wear my undies over my pants

no, i didnt decide to dress in red blue white and wear a silly yellow crown on my head

but i'm gonna fly! gonna go to shanghai and hk from 1st-14th july then going to perth from 24th july till 1st aug:) excited! after getting my ticket to perth for 334, i feel ripped off for my ticket to shanghai+hk at 945:(, i'm so poor now.. haha.

THAT'S WHY, I GOT MYSELF A PART TIME. ok, no, i didnt get a part time because of that... but i am going to have a part time job. at a GP near sch, going to work there every wed night:) excited. though it's like... registration girl, but i get to collect medication for the patients. so fun. and the working conditions are pretty good:) pay's not bad.

but i'm not sure if i'm doing the right thing... it seems that i'm filling all my wkday nights up. no tv, no dinner at home, no time for homework. :( and still thinking abt whether to take up cgl:(. rawr. i think i'm repeating this for eons time this wk.

heh. yst was submission for contemporary nursing paper. yes! handed mr. lim in. yes! mr. lim is out of my life now! haha. had a super exciting afternoon yst. just 3 hrs before deadline, i realised tt i misinterpreted mr. lim's condition, which meant tt 1 whole paragraph in my assignment has just gone to waste. have to delete, erase, gone. i was super panicky yst. i couldnt stop fidgeting during lesson, couldnt stop my hands from trembling, couldnt stop complaining how slow the computer was, couldnt stop asking lingting "how? how? what? what does this mean then?" or "what if i cant finish in time? no time liao!". ok, i'm not gonna do my case study so last minute again. after submitting my paper, i felt 875639238763718kgs lighter. haha.

okay, next, socio paper! and... i should rlly start doing precept homework again. :( i didnt do 3 wk's worth of work. and i feel so insecure when i raise questions in lesson, cause i didnt do my homework. :( dun like.

2010-03-07T22:42:00.002+08:00

it is super irritating! i realised i've tried too hard to keep my table top clean and clear tt i forgot where did i stuff all my things. :( i couldnt find my favourite JS cd now. rawr rawr. and i deleted my mp3s of it. ARGH. okay, i shall repack my room soon. this is so unnerving!

just received an email from my class rep entitled "Pride of Nurses". i was quite confused when i first saw the title and decided to read the mail immediately. it was regarding last wk's micro b test. apparently, 13 of the nurses didnt turn up for the test and my micro b lecturer was pretty angry with us. and apparently, this isnt the first time part of the class MIA for sem tests. last sem was pharmaco, this time is micro b. so as you can see... nurses' pride is at stake. which made me feel abit guilty... cause i did think of reporting sick for last fri so as to not take the test. nvtheless, i'm glad i didnt.... but... haha, i think i died for my test. i just went in and.... guessed alot of answers. hai~ i'm hoping for a pass. just a pass. then again, psychology test was most more rewarding. though i still cant make much sense out of "memory", it's pretty fun doing the paper. hopefully i do better for that. heh. and hopefully my neuroscience questions could help to put my grades up. heh.

okay, time for case study:( and this reminds me, i still cant find my cd. argh. gonna have to do work w/o my fav tracks. !@#$%^&*(@#%!

2010-03-06T21:49:00.001+08:00

hello, i rlly dun mean to be mean or hysterical but i'm rlly confused right now, could you pls help by shedding some light? raar

2010-02-07T00:37:00.002+08:00

some friendships just last forever huh..... haha

2010-01-31T21:52:00.002+08:00

jakarta trip was fun:)

it was pretty random but i'm glad i went. saw aunty ann, uncle ho and uncle patrick. honestly speaking, i have no recollection of my days at jakarta man. so it was pretty weird and foreign when aunty ann ask "hey carmen, do you rmb this road?" or when my dad says things like... "o, we used to come here alot... jakarta changed alot huh..."

i mean... errr... i dunno. haha. but listening to them reminiscing the days when they were in jakarta makes me feel like i have a hidden past there. like... a long forgotten me. haha, and from their conversations... i rlly feel that the adults enjoyed their days in jakarta alot.

it was funny, listening to adults discussing where should they retire and gossip abt political figures... haha, not gossip, actively discussing abt political leaders and eat and eat and eat.... it was fun:) and i was pleasantly surprised by jakarta. it wasnt as messy and dirty as i imagined... i mean... it's better than our nearest neighbour! haha, and the ppl there are more courteous and friendly than the general public here (esp in terms of driving). all in all, it was a relaxing and special trip, :) guess.... i have to switch back to "work" mode now:( boos.

2010-01-25T22:38:00.002+08:00

I feel like a little girl
Trying to conquer the whole wide world
Everybody wants a piece of me
And I just don't know where to turn
I've got work piled up to my head
All I want to do is jump into bed
And wash away my troubles with lemonade
Play hide and seek with the boy next door
Take a trip to Singapore
And imagine how i'll make the world a better place

2010-01-10T23:35:00.002+08:00

将自己献给神不是为神做工，而是让神做工。

若不能让神做工的就不能为神做工。

2009-12-29T12:37:00.003+08:00

argh, all good times must come to an end, it's the end of december already:( shins. i love decembers i realise... it's always packed with activities, spending time with family and friends. though this sounds bibilically wrong but i like christmas partly cause it technically gives my friends and i a occasion to celebrate for. yupp, it's difficult to resist the thought. well, i find myself always having to remind myself that christmas is abt Christ, not us.

looking back at 2009, i'm not very sure what happened? haha, maybe because the academic year cut the year into 2 parts, so like, i dun rlly know if the incident happened last year like 2008 or, in my first year of uni, which was everything before june. but one thing i'm sure of is that... as much as i hate to admit it, i changed. i detected change, resisted it and then accepted it. now, i cant even pinpoint where the change was. i'm not sure if it's a good change, i can only cross my fingers and hope i changed for the better.

2009, is a year that i received many loves and blessings. i find myself treasuring my family and friends even more. though i might seem cold or annoyed at times, dun worry friend, i still enjoy your company eh. became closer with the not-so-close friends, made new friends, trying to maintain friendships with best friends, etc. also re-looked at my service in church... thought through my belief... late night chats with my mom... i guess it's a pretty "personal" year. saw a side of myself which i nv thought existed. i've deal with myself quite a fair bit this year, i'm tired. rawr. we'll see what 2010 brings:)

2009-12-14T08:30:00.003+08:00

woah, am i old already or what? 1 wk of attachment seems to have killed me already. though i didnt do much... weird. it was a struggle to float this time round man. as they always say "as a year 2 student, you should blah blah blah", or "you know you're from nus, we do expect much more from you..."

i dunno, initially i tot i was worried for my skills and being too task oriented thus making myself feel flustered. but as i think over, i guess it's rlly the high expectations tt ppl have of us which is suffocating me. looking at the staff nurses in the ward, they're rlly capable and competent but where am i? i culd hardly take care of 1 patient well, managing their basic and nursing care. it is times like these you wonder if you'll be able to function like that in... 1 year's time? why 1 year's time? b'cause the poly students who are passing out are doing very well and are in their yr 3 last sem, which is where i would be in a year's time. gosh.

there's another patient in my ward which makes me very confused. she is also psychologically inducing herself to vomit. and whenever she does that, she looks miserable and would ask ppl to rub her back. she has a history of depression and yeah, we were told not to rub her back for her and just find a excuse to go away when she ask for one. to be fair to the staff, she literally ask EVERYONE to rub her back, female nurse, male nurse, other patient's relatives, etc... yup, but what if she's rlly feeling nausea, like for real? what if one day she's feeling ill but ppl just dismiss her as they think it's psychological? i mean, isnt she the only one who could define her own pain and feelings? but where do you draw the line to deduce tt she's just "imagining things"? maybe i'll know when i do my psychological posting. but in the meantime, this patient got me there. :(

heh, went for the princess and the frog yst:) first row, no surprises. heh. and made a new friend, logan:) pretty interesting

also, met up with sec friends:) so sweet, cheryl drove and brought me to marina barrage for picnic! it was pretty funny as it was so dark we could see what we were eating. but nvtheless, it's the company tt counts:) and they gave me a water bottle! haha. red and white one:) i like. 3rd bottle of the year:) okay, i should find something else to complain abt next yr... maybe a massage chair? okay, kidding. but i would rlly love you if you get it for me friends:) oops. haha. but as usual, in the end, i became the GPS of the car. apparently, they didnt know how to get home! rawr. i should rlly start charging;p, tt way i'll earn alot. my sec friends are cute. they were like "eh carmen, 去学车o勒。。。then 我们就可以在车上睡觉。you drive we 出油钱啦。。。i lend you my car..." i was like... right, are you sure? not a bad deal but crazy lar. and we keep on talking abt super lame jokes and also planned for a christmas meet up. EXCITED:) a blessed evening:)

2009-11-28T00:10:00.001+08:00

i guess it's time for me to move on as well. bye rat.

2009-11-23T19:31:00.002+08:00

was quite sian-ed by studies so i decided to surf! heh. came across an interesting extract from C. S. Lewis' "The World's Last Night". it is talking about prayers.

i've once asked why do we bother praying? since we won't or will not be able to change God's will anyway. through "Screwtape Letters", i've came to learn from C. S. Lewis that praying enables us to know ourselves better and to see what's God's will for us. However after reading the extract, the explanation in "The World's Last Night" was even more plain.

"The question then arises, “What sort of evidence would prove the efficacy of prayer?” The thing we pray for may happen, but how can you ever know it was not going to happen anyway? Even if the thing were indisputably miraculous it would not follow that the miracle had occurred because of your prayers. The answer surely is that a compulsive empirical proof such as we have in the sciences can never be attained.

Some things are proved by the unbroken uniformity of our experiences. The law of gravitation is established by the fact that, in our experience, all bodies without exception obey it. Now even if all the things that people prayed for happened, which they do not, this would not prove what Christians mean by the efficacy of prayer. For prayer is request. The essence of request, as distinct from compulsion, is that it may or may not be granted. And if an infinitely wise Being listens to the requests of finite and foolish creatures, of course He will sometimes grant and sometimes refuse them. Invariable “success” in prayer would not prove the Christian doctrine at all. It would prove something much more like magic—a power in certain human beings to control, or compel, the course of nature."

i liked the way he describe the struggle that many Chrisitians face. i have a tough time dealing with failure and there were definitely times where it hit me real hard when my prayers arent answered. but i'm glad to know that my life is not in my hands but the hands of God. i mean, come on, how many bad decisions have i made? my suggestions and way of doing things arent always sound (in fact, usually not sound);p. my life is in the hands of a God who knows what's best for me:)

but what do we do then with an unanswered prayer? how then do we seek assurance when we're all lost and vulnerable?

"Our assurance is quite different in kind from scientific knowledge. It is born out of our personal relation to the other parties; not from knowing things about them but from knowing them.

Prayer in the sense of petition, asking for things, is a small part of it; confession and penitence are its threshold, adoration its sanctu ary, the presence and vision and enjoyment of God its bread and wine.

Prayer is not a machine. It is not magic. It is not advice offered to God. Our act, when we pray, must not, any more than all our other acts, be separated from the continuous act of God Himself, in which alone all finite causes operate."

Amen to that! o, the book seems rlly interesting. should i buy it???

2009-11-22T20:45:00.002+08:00

i nv wanted exams to end so badly before ;p

with esther and yx back, there just seems to be so many things that i wanna do with them, plus i missed sec sch friends gathering last wk:( and so many good movies are coming up:):):) haha, gonna play cheat and watch happy flight next sat night after messiah. all are welcome to join :) the ppl confirm going are me, esther, kat, gladys, ben ben. yeah, do drop me a sms if you're joining us. fyi: happy flight is a funny jap movie(or at else the trailer shows so)

i'm starting to feel pretty sian abt the issue on backsliding. i mean, there are just so many instances that i've seen in the past year which rlly make me feel pretty disturbed. gets me to rlly think, how impt is my faith is to me? would i give up on it one day as well... just like many who have done so? lose my saltiness and ability to reflect light? these questions will continue bugging me for the rest of my life i guess. rlly blessed by today's sermon:). but i also feel very ashamed. for we are called to be the salt and light of the world. salt... it's difficult enough, and being the light... omg, i'm crushed, flattened and died. i dunno to what extent am i a secret christian but i'm definitely one of those who shy away from the topic on my faith and gospel infront of my non-christian friends, or i dun rlly take the initiative to share the gospel to my non-christian friends. i guess, if i wasnt "known" to always to busy with church stuff, i am seriously afraid that my life would not reflect one of a christian's.

"It's either the Christian kill the secrecy or the secrecy will eventually kill the Christian." yups. salt and light, a goal that all Christians should constantly strive for.

okay, i should go offline now... and study... :(

yups, carmen, pharmaco rocks my socks. who am i kidding?

2009-11-12T17:11:00.001+08:00

i deserve nothing at all and yet You still gave me the very best.

Thank You Lord.

2009-11-01T19:23:00.003+08:00

it has been an eventful day, i need to pen down my thoughts one by one....

first of all, i seriously feel SUPER BLESSED AND LOVED BY GOD, FAMILY AND FRIENDS. I LOVE YOU GUYS.

gotten many surprises today.

okay, first of all, i was pretty surprised but dion called me exactly at 12.00am and wished me happy birthday. not tt we're not good friends, but i just didnt expect him to call me personally. haha. tt was the start of the unexpected(s)

found a waterbottle full of love notes and sweets in my bag when i sit down at my seat (after running abt the church, settling some SING money matters:)) for sunday sch. shocked. rlly, i love all the notes more than the sweets, whether you guys believe anot.

having dawn fellowship sharing and all of a sudden, shimu passed me her phone and it was esther on the line. mini surprise 1. (major surprise number 2 )shortly followed by zhiyang and zhiyi appearing with a cake and shimu giving flowers and handmade rose pillow:) loves:)

ling ting and qiwen appearing at my doorstep with a cake! they've been waiting for me since 4 for me to get home. feel so bad, but nvtheless, i love you guys. so sweet! yup yup. holland v italian food tml:):):)

alvin+family and joeyee+family came to bukit batok to eat dinner with me to "celebrate" my birthday. and received a watch. shocks. didnt expect them to buy me a gift. was shocked but very happy. haha

and apart from receiving well wishes from churchies, nursing friends, closer sec sch friends, i've also received smses, msn and fb wall posts from friends that i have not seen or talk to for a very long time. and when i reply their msgs, i get to update myself on how they are. some, whom i have abit more time to, will start talking to them and we will talk abt how we use to interact in the past.

looking back, my teen years were pretty happening, havent wasted it away. haha. very grateful for all the friends i've made and rlly treasure all the memories. now i'm entering the next exciting phase of my life. hopefully it's gonna be as eventful as the decade that had just passed:)

2009-10-26T22:04:00.002+08:00

it took 3 of us 2wks to come out with the body of the essay which sums up to ~4700+ words.

it took us the past 2 nights and one whole afternoon today to top it up to 6100words.

regardless of what the grade is, i'm proud of it.

now it's time for another miracle! 2500 chinese words in 2 wks. gulp. i dun even know what should i write on! :(

the next 2 wks is probably the scariest 2 wks ever.

1 15% assignment+ 1 pharmaco test(they nv get tired of giving us test eh!)+1 chinese verse test+1 chinese verse essay= a very jolly disaster ahead;)

it's alright! at least i have my SOAR camp to look forward to:):):) and my fantastic holiday plans lined up for me. press on carmen. 1 more month!

2009-10-23T23:03:00.003+08:00

had practical assessment today. dun think i did a good job. i was pretty ill prepared. (i forgot to wear gloves and missed out 1 hand washing....) seriously, break all the infection control rules. and i was pretty sore abt it...

A classmate of mine didnt pass assessment though because she couldnt expel air bubbles from her syringe and exceeded the given time(fyi:we need to expel these air bubbles so to prevent embolism and giving the wrong dose of medicine). personally, i thought she wasnt entirely responsible cause she's allocated to be in the last slot of the day and the needles tend to be "recycled" through the day and arent usually in the best condition when comes to her turn. but instead of being sore and complaining abt how unfair it was, she took it at her stride and just told me that she hopes that the reassessment date dun clash with any of our upcoming assignments. with so many things at hand, she rlly encouraged me alot, to be motivated and press on. i feel so guilty and so "small", complaining abt everything under the sun. hm, pretty spoiled eh. oops.

as much as i do not want to fail my practical assessment, it then comes then question "am i competent enough to serve real patients". if i just want to pass the skill without being rlly good in it, am i putting the patients that i'm going to serve in the future at risk? i dunno. it always seems like a conflict of interest. on 1 hand i'm running out of time and re-assessment means squeezing more time out of no time, but when i think of re-assessment as a way to ensure safer practice in the wards in the future.... it might not be such a bad thing afterall... darn! i'm not sure if i wanna pass or fail right now....

2009-10-12T16:13:00.000+08:00

rainy days and mondays always bring me down:(

2009-10-09T20:21:00.003+08:00

i am in a love hate relationship with time.

i cant wait for weekends but i dun want the wk to end yet

i cant wait to go to the wards but i dun wanna start working yet

i cant wait for this semester to be over but i have yet to finish my work

i cant wait for exams to be over so i can relax but i havent finish studying

i cant wait for movies to come out but i wished they would come out later when i aint so busy

i look forward to see terry back but i dun want next wk to pass too fast cause i need time

i cant wait for my besties to come back from aussie but i dun want my exams to come

i cant wait for mr right to appear but i dunno what to do if he appears, so i kinda hope he dun appear first...

i want to get married by 24 but i dunno if i'm mature enough by then

i wanna be more mature yet i dun wanna age (come on ladies, admit this!)

i know i need time and i dunno why am i still blogging

i am in a love hate relationship with time

2009-09-28T00:33:00.002+08:00

Psalm 103:8-16

⁸ The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.

⁹ He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;

¹⁰ he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.

¹¹ For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;

¹² as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

¹³ As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;

¹⁴ for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.

¹⁵ As for man, his days are like grass,
he flourishes like a flower of the field;

¹⁶ the wind blows over it and it is gone,
and its place remembers it no more.

went through psalm 103 today during sunday sch. was pretty touched and reminds me of my favourite song. His grace is... wow! i mean, we are no more than dust yet God is so concerned about us, about our lives, etc. i can hardly understand how someone could love me for what i am. i mean, i see many flaws in myself....yet, o well...

yes, no because of who i am, but because of what You've done. not because of what i've done, but because of who You are. i'm blessed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VU_rTX23V7Q

Who am I-Casting Crowns
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.

i'm sorry to the ppl that i've been moody to this whole wk. i'm glad that you guys stood by me. there are just too many thoughts running through my mind. and argh, i might not be able to go for tuanqi camp. :( dates changed. hopefully i can do some adjustments to my attachment roster. what a way to spend my recess wk...emo-ing. okay, i've tried to catch up with work...haha, but as usual... not here not there lar. okay lar, have to buck up arh.

2009-09-26T00:40:00.000+08:00

was doing quiet time via “our daily journey” website yst. came across this interesting quote:

“When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life in such a way so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.” —Indian (Cherokee) Proverb

when i’m gone, will i be missed? will i be remembered for any deeds (g00d ones) that i’ve done? would i have made a difference by the time i leave the world?

2009-02-21T11:00:00.002+08:00

an ominous wk is finally over. maybe sad things happened one after another, it just sweeps you away before you could what's going on. i think it's like mimic of a series of unfortunate events in my life. haha, but just as what the original novel is intended for, perhaps these series of events happened so it forces us to grow up through terrible things. something good will come out of this, just that i have yet to see it. surprisingly, i felt peace amongst these. very contrasting from what i felt last wk.

交托。我们时常说要交托，但我们时常交了问题出来但没有托给神，还是把问题紧紧抓在手里。

go on carmen! everything will pull through, somehow, someway. raar

2009-02-14T09:56:00.002+08:00

carmen is....so whatever today. haha.

i'm thankful. rlly thankful for all that has happened.

虽然在城市的喧闹中我还在寻找祢的频率。。。

2008-12-03T21:38:00.004+08:00

end of exams:) cool. could finally havoc without feeling guilty.

heh, today was quite eventful. went to science canteen to have my long awaited roasted duck noodles and red bean soup. then waited for qiwen to go for cape no. 7 after her transfer assessment. heh. was pretty interesting and surprising. qiwen knocked into ting ann and marcus after her assessment and they, tgt with faiz decided to join us for the movie. heh. initially, i was so worried that faiz might be super bored by a chinese movie and felt quite bad tt he says he dun mind watching. i guess they're rlly bored. haha, they'll do anything.

and because of them joining landed me with a free ride to grand cathay in faiz's car. haha. it was pretty cool sitting in a classmate's car. but felt abit bad tt he insisted paying the carpark fees and ERP. argh. and he dun mind watching chinese movie with us somemore. oops. haha, but thank God he enjoyed the show. it was quite cool. 1/3 of the movie is in 台语，1/3 in mandarin and 1/3 in japanese. tt means i wasnt much better off than faiz. i just understood 1/3 of the movie without looking at the subtitles. heh. the movie, though i dunno what's gonna on in some parts but i still felt that it was a good movie. haha.

rlly听着戏里的歌就感觉到热血在沸腾！haha, and the villagers cracked alot of funny jokes. but i didnt rlly concentrate 100% in the movie as today was talking to ling ting lar. haha. listening to her filling me in with bits of taiwan and make fun of some of the storyline of the movie. oops... tt's probably why i didnt understand the movie completely. haha. but after movie, went bens and jerry with ting ann, marcus and qiwen while faiz and lingting had to rush home. hoho. fattening day.

but i enjoyed myself. havocs!

想收集夏天的热穿越叫幸福的河

想做吞大象的蛇不自量力的又有何不可？

2008-11-27T20:04:00.002+08:00

my deprieved days are almost over. heh.

this is terrible. once anatomy paper was over last sat, i felt i've lost 80% of my exam mood. haha, but i still tried my very best to study for my physio. but today was just a joke. heh. physio mcqs were tricky. raar. dun have a good feeling abt it.

went pgp's cafe for lunch today with lingting and qiwen. not rlly what i expected though and i felt it barely pulls off as a cafe. ha, i tell you, the cafe staff are even more fierce than the kopitam drink stall aunty leh. cause it's like self service kinda cafe and the staff will call your table when ur dish is ready for collection. so i was sitting at a table facing the counter directly. wah, xia si wo. cause ppl change their tables and the staff dun rlly communicate well, so 1 staff(okay, staff A) knows the ppl changed the tables while another staff(let's call her B) who brings the dish out from the kitchen doesnt. and the table(other than mine) facing the counter was table no 2.

so staff B brought a dish out from the kitchen and calls for table 2. but the ppl at table 2 didnt go(so apparently, the customer has changed seats). but B doesnt know, she stares right through me, straight at table 2 and shouted "IT'S YOU RIGHT? COME AND COLLECT LAR!"

wah, B's look was terrifying, haha. and she's around my age. abit ah lian-ish too. haha, if i didnt know she's shouting at table 2, i would have thought someone owed her $69067987638274754. heh. not exactly a conducive cafe evt eh. nvtheless, lunch was not bad. okay, i enjoy sitting on the fence, but rlly what. it wasnt tt bad, but not exactly nice enough for me to travel all the way into pgp for the food again. oops. heh.

okay, next up, contemp nursing. another "i-dunno-how-to-study" test. seriously, i rlly have to dig out or perhaps start printing out the notes. oops. haha.

2008-11-18T16:43:00.002+08:00

我边念着后青春期的诗，边欣赏着此生最美的风景

再加上一杯咖啡，一个属于自己的下午

太幸福了。：）

2008-11-18T11:14:00.002+08:00

coffee, my new best friend:)

2008-11-05T19:17:00.002+08:00

i have no quality of life currently.

raar.

dear terri schiavo, why did you have to die? why are you causing me so much pain?

double raars.

yesh:) going to st lukes! and field trip on friday:)

but needa get shoes. soon.

triple raars

2008-11-02T23:25:00.002+08:00

felt so loved and blessed.

lunch-ed with sze man yst. she gotten me a nurse watch! haha, tt means key-chain watch lar. but it's hello kitty. o, nv felt tt girly before but i rlly like the watch alot.

tuanqi prep a bday cake for me too! heh. choc0-cool-la-to! full si

then aston grilled with fri-en-ds. followed by mango-passion fruit+rum and raisin hagen daaz ice cream and coffee bean carrot cake. yum yum yum! cant wait for 20th dec! heh.

thanks for every every one who has gave me their blessings and gifts:)

and thank you mommy for bearing the pain and tedious 9 months 19 years ago. i love you.

i just wanna thank you Lord!

2008-11-01T07:33:00.002+08:00

heh, this is one of the best bdays:)

had rlly some of the sweetest moments that draws a smile on my face. heh.

on thurs, nursing ministry seniors were in a cahoot with jeannie in surprising me with a cake. felt bad cause i just went for 5 mins before rushing to church and they still sang happy bday song to me. haha. and thanks jeannie for ya card and chocs. but i know u're out to make me fat so i would need XL for my nursing dress. i only ordered M, 不要害我。

oo...was a long day. after thur's anat test havoc le. supper-ed with SING and ended up reaching home at 11.35, missing the 11 o clock jay chou's interview and 3/4 proj runway. so i sat down and finish the last quarter of proj runway before doing up the PIP script. end up slping at 2.30. oops, haha, and woke up at 7 on fri just to watch the replay of jay chou's interview. heh. the crazy things you do for tv:)

then yst, after our PIP presentation, crazy melissa scare the hell outta me. she went up on stage and said she's gonna give out the best audience award for our presentation. being in charge for props, i was thinking real hard....i didnt recall having to buy any present for any prizes. panicking, i was praying real hard this is gonna end well. then in the end, they said michelle and i were chosen for best audience and was being asked on stage. i was like "huh?" the moment i got on stage then i realised, argh, michelle and i have the same bday and this was the surprise. from far, i saw felicia with a choc cake with a candle and the whole class were singing bday song for us already. argh, so sweet. haha. special thanks to qiwen and fel who went out to get the cake. heh. had real fun.

went to meet esther and kayee for afternoon tea at imperial treasure before going for some movie talk at qmc. wasnt what i expected though but as ppl say, you cant have everything in life. haha. yup. and as expected, i collapse on bed almost immediately after i reached home. okay, today i'm gonna finish up my nursing care plan and start on poor terri schiavo. buck up carmen. argh?!!!!! i need my coffee.

2008-10-30T05:06:00.002+08:00

ana test later. argh?!!!!

i'm munching my comfort food now. MOONCAKES?! mhahahah.

random.

2008-10-26T17:10:00.004+08:00

argh, rlly getting busy.

okay, just to side track, which is simply random but it just came to my mind. was at vivian's brother's wedding dinner yst. then they were playing our hk theme song. heh. the "you're so close like my mother, brother, sister, whatever". heh. memories:) i miss my fri-en-ds.

okay, let's pull through this tgt:) so irritating lar, i'm studying my tests with A lvl ppl and i have final exams starting one day after bio As are over. but i guess things will be over before i could say "unfair". heh.

eventful month. i hope i learn something from all these. and crossing fingers i get St Lukes for attachment. if not....aiyo, i just dun wanna travel until so far lar...

nvtheless, thank God for being so faithful, sending angels to stand by me.

2008-10-01T14:16:00.009+08:00

my oh my, these few days just flies. so many things happened.

last fri:

went NTU to study while peili went to do project. o, i love the library. haha, the view was fantastic and library dun need matriculation card to enter. so, heh heh. potential study place. just tt it's abit far. studied till around 6? then we met cheryl at boonlay mrt station to take the longest bus ride to harbourfront (bus 30) to meet tj and roy for dinner at kim garys. but their thick toast cheated my feelings but i attempted the feared MILK tea. heh. i couldnt care less. oops. hk milk tea's just too hard to come by and too hard to resist. then tj and roy starbucks-ed after dinner before heading to my place. met up with cy later on and we chatted at my place till around 4am? heh, with tj serenading to us with his guitar. (though he missed quite alot of notes...but efforts appreciated! haha) but our talk was most unusual... we talked abt the china's poison milk to US economics crisis to some sophisticated accountings stuff(cy and peili talked most here, i'm just lost) to our usual updates on current situation and gossips:). facebook-ed and friendster-ed later on... haha.

sat:

woke up at 8.15. crazy. but part time coming at 9, what to do? then went out for breakfast at macs (though i ate subway:)) with fri-en-ds. chatted awhile more abt going overseas hol(:(, no job, no income, how to go?) and went home at abt 11. but the weather was so cool tt day so cy said he would go swimming after he reached home. then after i reached home, i felt influenced by his enthu-ness and went to swim, without goggles. regretted. i think the water's quite dirty and i teared involuntary all the way on the bus ride to church after that. i think the uncle sitting beside me thought i'm out of love. hai. terrible. but was quite scary lar. wasnt able to see properly.... but bought eye-drops on the way and was late for choir prac as a result. heh.

went to interview aunty pui fun with felicia and lingting after choir prac at tiongs. was cool to hear abt how it was like to be a scrub nurse. (esp after watching iryu medical show:)) fulfilling session:)

sunday:

woho, bestie shocked most of us with her surprise comeback on sunday. haha. attention seeker leh bestie. nvtheless, was glad tt she came back for a week's holiday:) had lunch with bonnie, agl,cosina, kenny, zf and esther and met up with kat after her lunch with her mom before meeting bestie for catchup session with billy, deb and tim.

was pretty interesting to hear all the overseas experience from debbie and yx. and stupid esther is probably going to perth as well nxt year. i tell you girl, i'm not gonna knit a scarf for you! bleahs. and kat is interested to go overseas for uni as well. hai, yesh, i would be left alone here. go go....by all means. hmph. heh.

mon-tues:

then sch started... blah blah and had tuition yst. phew, yst was much better. around 1-2 more wks carmen! tt's it! heh. then dear olivia(tuition kid) would have her Os and i could stop. was thinking i'll just cross my fingers and hope to find tuition kids of lower academic levels.

tues:

then rushed down from nanyang boarding sch to yx's new place. wow, had a blasting time there. went to hse-touring with aunty minglan. rlly, we spent 10mins walking around. and was cool. i had dinner at 50th floor of international plaza looking at the man working off his arse in his office in the building opposite me. we ka-jiao-ed yuetong's tuition and aunty minglang and yx joked around of yuetong's tutor(yx's jc classmate edmund). obviously, we chatted(what else could we do? heh)but with aunty minglan and leyuan amongst us lar. then after yt's tuition, she came to join our chatting session.

heh. and i have to admit i ate my 6 rounds away yst night. ate dinner lar, then drink 3 bowls of aunty minglan's selatar homegrown papaya soup then ate 1/4 mooncake and some snacks tt yx brought back from perth and finishing 37856793647515 cups of chinese tea. heh. was crazy.

today:

so feeling guilty, i went swimming this morning. haha, and i've gotten my bloody goggles for $10 to prevent the sat scenario from happening again. o gosh, i must rlly go and study now. tml's ana test. and hai, they say it's gonna be tough. bloody profs.

2008-09-24T18:57:00.001+08:00

as expected, i screwed it.

2008-09-24T09:07:00.002+08:00

argh, just as i thought i have finally gotten rid of maths and suddenly there's this kind church auntie heard tt i wanna find tuition and allowed me to tutor her kid. BUT! HER O LVLS IS IN 2 WKS TIME. i was like, omg. now i feel more stressed for my tuition than my current work. haha.

okay, trigo and differentiation not tt bad lar, but i just realised i've thrown away all my a maths resources just LAST WK! wah, angry+angry+very angry now. hai, hopefully i do a gd job. the burden's definitely on. thought i contemplated on the thought of rejecting the tuition(cause i dun think i'm ready and etc), but after talking to my mom, she shot me back.

"didnt you manage your a maths well in your O lvls?"

err....a maths wasnt exactly not a problem, but it was manageable...

"so dun you think you're just giving urself an excuse to not work hard to practice ur maths enough to tutor the kid? maybe you're capable?"

hoho, but i'm ill prepared...

"so go and prepare lar! dun be lazy lar... dun give yourself excuses anymore."

tt hit me hard(i'm always hit. by songs, by words and whatnots...) i knew she was just 1 mm away from ranking a whole list of history of things tt i've chickened out and backed out. nvtheless she said if i'm rlly tt unconfident, then reject the tuition lor.

so what happens in the end will depend on THIS DAY! TODAY!

i'll see the kid for the first time today at 3.30. like announcing time of execution like that. hopefully, hopefully it would turn out well. for the meantime, i must rlly brush up on my mathematics.

good day to you too. bye

2008-09-23T13:22:00.002+08:00

monday, 12:36pm, i heard Him say

"I can fill the darkness with just one flash of light
Break the silence with just one word
Warm the fire-started revolution
One that can save the world"

i turned my glance towards the side, i marvelled at the scenery along west coast road. what greatness could have created this all? corinne may's voice drowned the rumbling sounds produced by the ancient 189 bus i'm taking. it got me daydreaming. there are just too much that we cant be in control of, there's just too much we cant be sure of. what awaits me at this end of this road? i do not know. where's my purpose?

"You can be a witness, you can be a prophet
You can make the whole world believe
Break the strongest fortress, change the way the world thinks
You can build a bridge where foes can meet
Hope for the future, shout it, don't whisper
'cos dreams are what we make them to be
There is hope in every heartbeat, tiny as it seems

You're a beautiful seed"

she sang it all. haha, it was amazing how one could be inspired by the words of the Lord. sometimes, her songs just hit you right smack in the face.

btw, earlier on, there was this big hooha abt converting the old sch building in seragoon gardens to be a hostel for overseas workers.... many were against it of course right? i once imagined how would the neighbourhood looked like if the hostel was rlly built. imagine staying at right beside the hostel builing. every morning, you will see the one could obvious difference in standards of living btw your filthy rich neighbour and the oversea workers. when you turn to the right, you see ur neighbour spreading butter and jam using glass knife onto their 100%organic wholemeal bread whereas on your left, you see the oversea worker grabbing a $0.60 hotdog bun and rush down to catch his ride to the worksite. i could imagine the awkwardness but bus 189 has proven me wrong.

let me just fill you with the route that 189 takes. 189 is the only bus which passes by the foreign workers' hostel in bukit batok and then it makes it way by a military camp. after which it passes by clementi mrt station and continues it's journey pass the international canadian and japanese sch. after which it enters west coast road,where it's littered with private properties on both side of the road and ending it's trip at nus kent ridge terminal. i get up on 189 on it's 3rd stop from bt batok to go to sch daily. it is rlly interesting to see the different kinds of people who boards the bus. from foreign construction workers to army associates to domestic helpers with cold storage plastic bags to blondes, burnette and jap students to local and chinese students... i realise it isnt that awkward afterall, putting people from different "class" of the society tgt. so maybe, the seragoon gardens project isnt tt awkward nor impossible afterall. heh. 189 is rlly an interesting bus ride, you get to see a myriad culture that make up the multicultural and multiracial characteristic that sg proudly proclaims. heh.

okay, i'm not trying to make any point here. i'm just randomly talking. so, haha, pardon me for all the randomness. :)

2008-09-21T01:13:00.003+08:00

su per per, troup per per. i'm like chanting away with the super trouper song. heh. it was a cool movie, truly major retro night. but i think i have once again created a din in the cinema. hopefully the ppl sitting in front of us dont hate us too much. though the storyline, haha, not exactly fantastic, at least it was...haha, yup. but the songs... how they start singing in different scenes. and i've finding gladys, esther and myself singing along with the mama mia and dancing queen song. it was like karaoke session like tt since they even have the lyrics(subtitles) shown on the screen.

raar....... but next wk means working hard week. gonna need so much self discipline. hm... but at least not doing maths. haha, heng. if not would rlly seem like a nightmare recess wk. in the end, i realise i didnt watch the hana yori dango final:(. dunno whether shld i spend this money since i've spent it on a wkend movie. argh, but today it was a sinful movie trip too. ate lotsa nancho chips and cheese balls. i could feel my gum swelling slightly le. oops, dun tell pastor audrey. heh. okay, i'm still listening to super trouper while blogging before i go to bed. so cool.

ben ben, u shld rlly come for tuanqi next time. haha, and hopefully go for a movie trip after the o and a levels are over. felt so bad leaving kat, jeanell they all behind today. :(, but bible study got quite productive right? thank God:). and bestie, cheer up okay?! dun feel tt u're alone:), will be praying for u! all the best for ur projects and assignments next week:)

2008-09-19T17:48:00.002+08:00

okay, due to advocates like micki and felicia, i have once again spend the whole day on crunchyroll again. this time, it's the show named iryu team medical dragon. believe it or not, i watched it with my notes and medterm.com side by side. it is almost ridiculous that i went to check up almost every medical term they cite as and when they like. haha. though its' just drama, it was nvrtheless interesting:) but i doubt i'll rmb any of the terms. haha. how i watched there's an episode filmed just to focus on every chapter that i'll be tested on for my physio and anatomy test. ha, fat hopes and dream on i hear you say.

had dinner with daddy as mommy ps-ed us to eat with her colleagues. very long nv eat daddy-cooked dinner and today, though it was just dry fish and veggie, it was yummy. i just convinced myself not to look at the amt of oil he uses when he cooks. so old habits just sticks to him no matter how many times u nag at him to use lesser oil. tried to practice pulse taking for my dad but it was very difficult. his artificial valve will make alot of noise and gives alot of hint on how would the pulse go. haha, and the worse thing is, i cant exactly make up his pulse as i try to refrain from listening to his valve and trying to feel for his pulse. tt's why i conclude that trying to not listen to something is almost futile, not like how u could hold ur breath to stop smelling, close your eyes to stop seeing. i just dun have the hands to cover my ears to stop hearing and even if i do, i guess i could still hear the valves' sound. heh, but interesting fact! when your body enters vegetative state, it is found that ur sense of hearing would be the last to go out of ur 5 senses. so dun gossip infront of coma patients. later they wake up and threaten you arh. haha. and they can rmb and recognise your voice one leh. dun play play.

all in all, i'm just glad tt recess wk is here. time to chiong! and expose my super high and lame side to some of my new classmates today. reckon i created quite a din at english class today. oops. well:) haha.

2008-09-17T23:45:00.002+08:00

2 and a half days and wah la, i've finished bones garden.

hm, but i seriously think my tolerance for thrillers have upgraded.

this has then indicated changes.

better tolerance for spicy food, better tolerance for thrillers, is it better tolerance or increased numbness?

how much of me would remain unchanged?

would i become more tolerating or just more numb to my surroundings?

2008-09-16T22:28:00.001+08:00

bones garden.

cant take my eyes off you.

raar...

2008-09-10T00:20:00.002+08:00

alveolar, cardiovascular, cellular, you can go on rattling...

but i realise that after sometime, i'll just switch off. heh.

warfin becomes warafin. heparin becomes herapin. o... cham arh.

but then again, CAs are in 3 wks time. omg, time flies. 5 wks of sch le.

but life doesnt seem to be back to normal yet. i sense exciting things coming.

tt's one thing i learnt, trust ur hunch:) (dun laugh! i mean seriously, they teach u to trust ur hunch in nursing!)

2008-09-05T23:08:00.002+08:00

haha, today rlly a "bbss" day. met hweeting in sch in the morning, went running with roy around 5 plus then met qihuat, annabel and sze xin all in 1 evening. ha, and qi huat rlly shocked me. became so muscular and fit, then heard from Roy that he's in cormando unit now. i was like. wow! he had been our object of teasing for being short. then now he's like, the most pro. put many of the guys(cause girls are not in ns what..) in shame. just like what ms lau(my sec2 history teacher said while qi huat was being teased) "dun bully him you know. many short man in history were powerful. like hilter, mao ze dong, napoleon, etc. haha.

had a pretty tiring wk, dunno why. perhaps sch has started to pick up speed, more and more work. but my lessons are nevertheless, interesting. esp you have some foreign lecturer. my anatomy lecturer pronounce the letter "s" as "e-s". then created a very big joke lar. his indian accent was very thick so i couldnt understand he was trying to say "muscles". and i dunno what i heard also. okay, so he tried to spell it for us. but despite at very slow speed, i still heard "miu-u-e-s-c-ellar-e-e-s" and my muscles became muesclees. after some thought, i finally figured what went wrong. heh. but the lecture was cool. As he was a surgeon in nuh previously, many of his teachings became very applicable:). heh, hopefully his test questions dun turn out hard. fingers crossed. haha.

2008-08-31T22:02:00.002+08:00

raar, having an irritating craze for dresses recently but they are just so unaffordable. while shopping for hairband yst at far east yst and esther and kat, i see so many dresses! argh.... the cheapest one i saw was around $33? and the most ex and the fav one is $98. xia dao xia si. suspect it's gds from korea.

raar, i wished i am still working now..... just for the dresses... ha.

2008-08-29T23:49:00.003+08:00

i'm rlly getting seriously lazy to blog. haha. well, another wk has come and gone. apart from adapting to the new sch evt and rushing around, hm, i can say that i enjoy sch quite a fair deal. to sum up this wk, i feel quite proud of myself resuming jogging. like after such a long time of hibernating, no exercising days.... i still havent rlly lose my stamina!:)

ran with micki, z-hui and michelle on monday:) hoho. then met up after sch with peili to study for abit. wed had lunch with cheryl, ida, huili and xueting. thurs is my power day. had lesson from 8 till 4, ran 5rounds round the track, went for nursing ministry and finally ended the day with pastor tong's talk. though pastor tong's speech was simply terrific, i cant help but to "drift" away abit during the talk. wasted. shld have just have sufficient rest for the talk. hm, nursing ministry was cool, was close to heart. rlly thank God for bringing me to this.

as i may have shared previously, i chose nursing initially cause i have interest in the healthcare field and would rlly wanna participate and help on medical mission teams and might perhaps wanna be some nurse without borders. but after my course started, i'm beginning to feel that God led me into nursing is to be the "salt" in the wards. there are needs in the local context. God placed me in nursing for a reason. i am going to be a nurse for His cause, not to be a nurse to acquire the skills to go for a mission team. though it maybe too early to say, maybe my views change after a few years, but for now, i want like learn to do things for His cause, not for my own.

我心何等渴慕祢。

2008-08-23T18:31:00.003+08:00

hoho, interesting wk.

i am rlly enjoying the healthcare law and ethics class. haha, cause it's rlly like a major sharing session and 2 hrs seems to just fly pass. okay, apart from the rlly concrete solid memorising and learning of physiology and anatomy, i guess my contemp nursing and law and ethics modules help me to strike a balance and caters to my like of biology and the interest for the study of ideologies tt mould the society.

okay, i had the most interesting lab session this wk:) i was supposed to pair up with another classmate and we'll take turns to be blindfold and brought around the sch lar. the task was for 1 to assist the blindfold partner to take the nus shuttle bus for 1 stop, bring her across the road and take back another shuttle bus to the lab. it was kinda stupid looking where you walk pass the canteen. ppl go like "what are they up to?" or "eheh, got car got car...". and the fact tt nus is built on a ridge made it even more challenging due to the abnormal amt of stairs(for a blind person lar). and as i was assisted onto the bus, my partner ushered me to a seat. okay, i nearly did the most embarassing thing in my life. i wanted to move in so tt my partner could sit beside me and thank God i asked if i shld move in. then my partner shouted "no!" then i stop. and i sat down of course. after we alighted, she told me i nearly sat on the lap of a guy as i was moving towards the window seat. phew. haha. lucky he didnt see my face. haha, if not jhai lut.

2008-08-15T15:54:00.002+08:00

sch's so far so good, but hai, i guess i'm too pampered by my previous schs. now tt i'm in uni, i realised it's rlly on your own. notes doesnt have everything tt u need to know but it just sets the boundaries. arh. then i nv know what more things do i have to know. haha

and the scary thing is everyone is pia-ing already. serious, it's just wk 1(but actaully wk 2 lor, last wk got lessons liao lor), there are ppl studying till 2am. tutorials havent even start leh... so i guess i better buck up.

but my lessons are rlly interesting. have fitting for my nursing uniform and N95 mask on wed and today finished my first aid practical. haha, nearly fail cause cant turn my coursemate to her recovery position fast enough. haiyo, terrible. and went to the anatomy lab yst, saw the cadavar. haha, i nv tot they would show us at our first lab session but though it's just the first wk, i'm already quite overwhelmed. haha.

but glad tt i still got to meet up with cheryl, ida, xt, huili and hweeting. and saw qx and huiting in sch too. qiao...

"we don't invent in science, we discover! the big truth are all out there!"

2008-08-10T00:17:00.002+08:00

hoho, watched the NDP 2008 on tv just now and had been online since then...with the exception of watching "first class" but hm, not up to my expectations. sadly.

but the black knights were rlly entertaining and was one of the longest air show i've watched on NDP. at least they did much more then just flying across the crowd and all we could say is "wow, that's noisy....". they've made patterns and shapes and they rlly reminded me of 2 scenes in pearl harbour the movie; where the 2 leading male actors did their pilot-ly thing:) was awesome. so tt's partly what got me online and watched the pearl harbour clips again. heh

then went on to watch tarzan on youtube. haha, tt's what u do when u're alone at home. well...i didnt exactly watch tarzan when it came out cause....i was just a little girl then and any cartoons without princess in nice dresses wun catch my attention. heh, but i've just relived a disney classic and well, it was good. so as usual, i browsed through the comments given to the clip. many of the comments were like "o....i watched this when i was 2! o...memories...." or "this is the greatest!". haha, so i realised...hm...maybe i HAVE aged. the movie came out when i was...err...10? movies which came out when i was 2 was probably...i dunno...pocahontas? heh.

but what caught my attention was that many commented that the movie was dark as it started with a major shipwreck and tarzan's parents being eaten by leopard which leaves tarzan alone in the hands of the apes eventually. and it ended with the villian dying---hung on the vines while in a fight with tarzan. o....so where does it place harry potter? or...batman and spidy? hm...maybe tt's the benchmark and expectations of disney productions. always suitable for the whole family. therefore always being picked on and commented. and sadly, the movies disney produces recently didnt capture tt magic spirit in it anymore does it? hm...it may be a overstatement but, tt's what i feel... doesnt it ring a bell? like being different from their peers and being look up upon? being judged constantly and being asked of a ridiculously high moral standards and expectations ?

let's just hope tt disney will produce something magical again.... soon.

well, but couldnt forget disney for giving me lilo and stitch:) and is monster inc by them? they are the recent favourites...more recent lar huh....though it's a few years back...heh

i miss LMA(my workplace). ppl there are just so nice, they practically feed you every hour!(lol) thanks goes out to diane, sharon, ann, jeanette, victoria, ah poh, andrew, uncle stephen, james, aunty peggy, chin fang, yanping, guek hong. thanks for showering so much care and love on me though i'm just a temp staff who spends the whole day hogging ur photostating machine cum printer cum scanner. and awkward enough, my seat actually inteferes with the radio reception in the office. so with all my movements, sorry for deprieving you guys of the radio programmes. once i sit down, they cant hear a thing! oops. haha, i'll rmb you guys!

Annie's Song

2008-08-04T21:55:00.003+08:00

You fill up my senses like a night in the forest

like the mountains in springtime, like a walk in the rain

like a storm in the desert, like a sleepy blue ocean

You fill up my senses, come fill me again

Come let me love you, let me give my life to you

let me drown in your laughter, let me die in your arms

let me lay down beside you, let me always be with you

Come let me love you, come love me again

memories...

"you nimkomepuks! out of tune again...."

we can all take a peek back, laugh, and feel the warmth that was so real in our hearts.

last day of my 10 months holiday ah...

2008-08-03T22:35:00.001+08:00

2008-08-01T18:30:00.003+08:00

hoho, got my timetable today. not very ideal i say but well....i'll survive:)

and i just realised tt studying and working at the same time is rlly no easy task. have been working part time admin in a company somewhere ulu in tuas since last thurs. my task was simple, just photostat 40 files of materials on a painkiller drug. tt's all you know, but now, a wk has passed and i am only at 26th file. terrible. so i have to continue working next week after sch until i finish until the 40th file. hm.

but on the side note, i rlly got to know more abt R&D and biomedical industry while photocopying the files. from file 1,i started seeing the brainstorming, the meeting minutes, the chemical makeup result papers, the engineering sketches, certificates and approvals of use of certain drug....etc. i rlly got to appreciate the drugs we have in the market. and the formulating of this painkiller started in the year 2000. so i'm photocopying stuff from then and the painkiller has 3 generations. pnc2000,pnc3000 and pnc4200. i'm now at pnc3000 vol 6(file no. 26) long way to go. jiayou! hopefully i can get everything done by thurs next wk. if not, i cant cope anymore. work ends at 530 and got shuttle bus send us out. by the wk after national day, i will have lessons in the afternoon as well... so i could only make it back to office by 5 which makes no point. argh.... better get it done soon.

and yst we had SING practice. as i was early, i alighted a stop earlier on bus 51 and dropped by the hawker to get my fav. soya bean+chinchow drink. then i made my way to church. and wow, i was looking up into the sky and with the trees, it rlly feels like u're in some countryside overseas. it was breezy and margaret drive was quite quiet. and with the stars glazing down at you, hm, it was peaceful:). it has certainly made me day! heh

2008-07-30T21:24:00.002+08:00

wow, i havent sit down infront of my computer for like....a wk? haha, not a very long period of time but i guess it's quite an achievement in this high-tech globalised era. haha. well, you cant rlly blame me, the tv programmes are just too interesting.

well... i didnt rlly notice that i spend much more time infront of the tv than others until nursing camp last wk. was talking abt how realistic are the hospital settings in hospital dramas, i realised i've watched almost all of the dramas they name(hk, american, jap, taiwan, korean...). from the most typical ones like CSI(not rlly, but abit biomed lar), 妙手人心1,2 and 3(magic of hk dramas), 白色巨塔, ER, house to ulu ulu dramas like 3 pounds, general hospital, scrubs, etc. haha. if you think you're reading greek or latin for the last 10 seconds, well..... it proves 2 things.

1. you are SO WRONG!

2. rlly goes to show what a tv freak i am.:)

okay, why did i start talking abt tv? o, cause as you MAY know tt there's 2 pretty entertaining sg homemade sitcoms on channel 5 which brightens up my tues and wed nights namely parental guidance and sayang sayang... well, there's this actor who nv fails to catch my attention---chua en lai. why? okay, i'm not going gaga over matured guys again but is the fact tt he reminds me so much of benjamin wang. haha. check this clip out, i rlly think it has the benjamin wang attitude. haha.

http://www.youtube.com.watch?v=XmwrWMuJiPM

dun ask me why didnt i put the clip directly on my blog. cause i dunno how to. HAHA

and to side track...hm, i was rlly impressed by my dad this wk.

roald dahl might have came up with the book "the magic finger" but it's nothing when it meets it's match. the very own Poon family's Peter's "magic fingerS". heh. why leh?

this goes:

i went to buy a blanket cover last sunday as it was the end of the GSS le, i caught the last wave:) the blanket covers were rlly cheap...like $10? from aussio(or however you spell tt shop's name) it looked rlly nice and i showed it to my dad at night.

the first thing he did was to touch the texture, then said "hm, rlly not bad. shld be 80% cotton, very comfy one, but will be abit hot if u dun on air-con..."

i was like...."how did you know it's 80%?" so i went to check the make-up of the blanket cover. to my utmost shock, there it's stated "80% cotton, etc....." xia dao.

but also not the first time lar. tt time when i was knitting yx's scarf, wu shimu provided me with wool lar. then careless me dirtied it accidentally while cycling to shimu's place. got caught in btw the wheels. so there's very obvious stains lar. then shimu was very agitated and scared, dunno how to wash.

"water might not be able to wash off you know? got grease leh... but i dunno if this material can tahan detergent leh..."

then i asked "what is this material actually?"

"羊毛 i think...."

"why `i think`? you nv ask before you buy?"

"no, because it's 花园街的羊毛..."

"o...."

"so i dunno how to wash this..."

"it's okay, i can ask my dad what this is..."

"how your dad know?"

"by touching i guess....shld be lar..."

"wah, sure anot...."

"i dunno...."

then tt night, i showed my dad the scarf and ask him how to wash...

"师母said it's羊毛...but she's not sure so dunno how to wash off the stains leh..."

touch touch

"o, it's 人造毛 mix mix lar. can use detergent but want better effect, wash with lukewarm water and blow dry with cold wind."

i told shi mu what my dad said and we both agreed....he has indeed accuqired a skill over his 30 solid years of experience in the garment industry, no play play. haha, so now like every shirt also ask my dad what's it made off...haha, so fun. but so ironic, my dad knows more abt fashion than i do. oops... haha.

真是 “家有一老，如有一宝！”

2008-07-19T00:30:00.003+08:00

just came back from dark knight. hm, disturbed yet again. shld have known better since peili warned me during lunch. nvtheless, i finished the movie.

well,i shld have actually known eversince i read the newspaper a wk bad. it stated that movies such as spiderman series and superman returns are more popular than ever. why? many audiences tend to prefer their heroes going through moral struggles than having a perfect image as this, brings them closer to the superheroes. it tells ppl that even superheroes are afterall, human which reminds ppl that as beautiful as roses can be, they have thorns.

so is batman or any other "superhero: themed movies still suitable for kids? it is certainly disturbing when i see subsequent harry potter series heading towards a darker realm but still placed under children fantasy. ironic.

but how come ppl like to "destroy" the perfect superhero image? why is it only now tt ppl like their heroes to "have blood have meat". i dunno but what came to my mind was this. (this is rlly own judgement! dun mean anything) i was thinking maybe the idea of having a superhero in the past was because ppl did not have peace in their societies. the govts of the past arent tt established yet, hence it seemed tt it was up to the civilians who could make the society a better place. however, carrying the arm of justice isnt easy job, so it may be their desire for a superhero who fights crime to rlly stand up for them in place of their incapable govts. superhero stories are actually an eutopia to them, dreams brought to life.

but as the saying goes, "one would not know the true value of a possession until he lose them". to us, the lucky folks who live under relatively(i must emphasize!) more stable govt, we dont treasure peace as much as the ppl of the previous generation. we do not have to fight for peace nor do we have to battle against crime ourselves due to the efficient police force in most developed countries. hence, superhero stories doesnt appeal to us. they are just a fraud we say. dream to fraud. hm...

we have 1 thing in common with the older generation. we both know perfect superheroes does not exist. sadly. true justice can nv be achieved by human, cause we have sinned. we need the ultimate SUPERHERO!!! heh.

but somehow, i find myself preferring to dream, to paint beautiful pictures of life. hm. maybe i'm just a 70-80 yrs old ah ma hiding in a girl's body. haha. but somehow, this movie doesnt weigh me down as much as death note. at least i'm still looking fwd to the next batman movie...unlike death note. but.....nvm:)

2008-07-15T21:00:00.002+08:00

so long beastie...:(

i miss her already. well, she'll be back in nov. take care of urself there k girl?

update ur blog consistently so we'll know how u're doing.

awaiting for your return my dear.

okay, getting prep for a interesting week. having my QET on fri morning and dark knight with alvin's family at night, baking session with aunty doudou on thurs morning and wedding rehearsal at night. tml....going for "Go Forth". and next wk would be my orientation camp. yup. can start packing my bag and rearranging my pencil box to get ready for school. i cant wait, but at the same time....hm....i'm pretty nervous and scared too. maybe facing changes have always been a challenge for me but owells, i know i'm in His good hands.

yupp, i guess that's abt all.

2008-07-06T20:59:00.002+08:00

drug name: 超級星光大道

supplement fact: 黃靖倫's dunno is real or "fake" voice

serving size: once per wk

warning: accidental overdose will lead to super dark eye rings and mom's sudden scream "carmen arh! 12 plus le, still not slping? u dun think you now holiday can slp so late arh..."

for best results: err... look at comments on the clip first. if from comments see 黃靖倫's performance not tt gd tt wk, dun watch:)

2008-06-23T22:13:00.002+08:00

woho, my mac arrived!!! so excited... shall wait patiently for my ipod touch which shld come ard tml???

had a blasting time during soar camp, which felt more like chalet cause it had so little ppl but rlly, i rlly salute ben, billy and yx for doing so much for the camp. but it was like deja vu like that as we had our 2006camp there. haha, so it was like "i've been here before." or "this scene looks familiar..." but what's impt is that the msg is being brought thru and rlly establish my faith. hm, and i have to say something to my angel.

sorry bonnie for commenting ur handwriting is ugly, i rlly tot it was a guy's handwriting. i mean no harm girl...but thanks for the kit kat(HAHA, HAD TO SHOW OFF....I'VE GOT A KIT KAT...)

no photos as usual cause ppl havent upload and i dun bring my camera. haha. my bad.

visited zhenliang yst at geneagles. wah, i think his injury was much more severe than we thought it was. his lungs puntured again and according to his father, his whole left lung collapsed this time, tt's why he was down for an operation. but what's funny was tt zhenliang told us that this usually happens to ppl who are tall. something to do with the air bubbles which are formed along the outer membrane of the lungs. HA! so breathing too fresh air up there causes air bubbles? oops. okay, abit mean... but it was nice to see tt his friends brought their work to acc him in the ward.

and was just talking to karen via msn just now. argh, she's going to korea tml. chao envious. haha, i must rlly save up if i wanna go overseas again, esp after paying for my laptop... officially broke. darn.

but then again, i chao excited now. waiting....